Infidelity Q&A #15: What Do I Think About in My Worst Moments?

Now that question may seem rather strange, because most of us don’t want to go there.

We don’t want to go there because it probably is exceedingly painful, and what we
try to do is we try to get rid of this pain or we try to alleviate this pain.

We may medicate ourselves because we don’t want to feel the pain. We may drink
ourselves into oblivion because we don’t want to feel the pain. We may shop till we
drop because we don’t want to feel the pain. We may try to escape to some island
because we don’t want to feel the pain. We will try to go somewhere so that we don’t
feel the pain.

It is very common to try to not feel the pain, not to think about our worst moments.

But I want you to think about your worst moment, and here’s why.

What is pain? Pain is a belief that I want something, and I’m not getting it. I
want something that’s extremely important for me, and it’s not happening.

Now let’s relate this to infidelity.

Infidelity may trigger thoughts like… I’ve always dreamt of having a family — of
having a loving, warm, beautiful family — and it’s in jeopardy right now. That’s
what I think about in one of my worst moments.

Or pain may mean I always thought that I was going to live with someone forever and
that we would have a happy life. I never dreamt, never thought that I would never
get divorced, and now it’s a possibility.

Pain may mean I’ve always wanted others to be proud of me, to be successful, and now
with this I feel like a failure. I feel extremely sad that I’ve failed.

Or it may mean that I have always put hope on being a sexually desirable person. I
wanted to be wanted, and now I’m cast aside. And, I’m sexually replaced by someone

So this is your pain. This may be part of your pain.

Enter into this pain. Face it.

And you ask yourself, “When I feel this pain in my worst moments, what are the
thoughts? What is it that’s really, really important to me?”

Your pain will lead you to that place in which you discover what is vitally
important for you.

So follow your pain, and your pain will lead you to your dreams, your hopes, and
your aspirations.

And if you have a difficult time facing the pain, ask yourself, “What does this
mean that I feel this pain? What does it mean that I’m thinking this?

Continue to ask yourself that question.

I’m in my pain. I must want something. What does it mean to me that I’m here? I use
this statement with people sometimes who are in pain. I say, “Gold is refined
through intense heat.”

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