Do you believe that if you confront the other woman, she will tell you the truth?
Hardly, since an affair is built upon deception.
The emotional energy demanded by this type of affair can be intense.
Read this case study and my comments:
1. What was your purpose for confronting the OP and what did you say/do?
To find out how far the emotional affair had gone.
2. What happened? What was the outcome?
She denied communications with my husband, which I already saw from the cell phone charges and knew she was lying. She also blamed him for contacting her and that she was just talking to him to help him work on his marriage. The outcome was my husband was angry with her for blaming him for a friendship she initiated, and she no longer wanted anything to do with him because he was married with a family.
3. If you were to do it again, would you do it differently? What did you learn?
Yes, I would have confronted her the first time she hung up on me when I answered the phone(6 months earlier). I wouldn’t have contacted her – I knew what was going on. I should have separated from my husband and made him face what he was doing without a cushion of being home with his family. I will have less compassion for my husband or the lonely other woman.
Coach’s Comments:
I’m guessing we’re dealing with a form of the “I Fell out of Love… and just love being love” type of affair. This affair revolves around the emotional component.
And, someone involved in an emotional kind of affair is usually (please note, there are exceptions to patterns) a fairly dependent person who focuses his/her life on eliciting from others feedback that will make him/her feel good. Good feelings often come as a result of outside triggers rather than from inside one as they live out their life with purpose, standards and well grounded values.
This person will “play” those people in his/her life to create and guard his/her feelings. Deception is often part of this “playing” since s/he must manipulate his/her world to maintain those “feelings” and keep others away from discovering or her/his disclosing her/his inner emptiness.
Don’t expect the truth here.
I am the one who had an emotional affair. I didn’t even realise I was heading down a slippery slope. It has caused so much harm to my marriage and has unearthed another major issue of sexual abuse. We have constantly talked about what led me to spend time with this OP, and it was the fact that he showed interest in me, wanted to talk to me, and made me feel special. How sad..I wasn’t getting that from my partner. I was wrong and freely admit it now, although it took a while for me to see my part. I thought I was a shoulder to cry on for this other person but now I can see I was falling into a seductive ‘friendship’. It has been a year and my partner and I still don’t know if we will stay together. We fluctuate between intense lovemaking and strained silences. I’ve said sorry so many times it no longer has meaning. I am afraid that he will never heal and forgive me. I never thought I could damage our relationship like it has. Now I know we are not bullet proof it is a very humbling experience. The pain has been indescribable for him and the guilt I feel is enormous, and I wonder if we will ever heal…
After discovering my good friend ( and coworker) was having ( and still is) an emotional affair with my husband ( and boss), I was shocked! I have confronted her and my husband to no avail. I have spoken with her husband twice, and he could care less! I have tried everything I know to do, but realize after 22 years of marriage, it is time to move on. It has taken a year and a half, but I realize that I will be OK. Looking forward to a new life and a new job.
My husband had the affair and when I found out, I was devastated. The fact that I use that word in the past tense makes me feel good about being able to move forward. It still hurts. I still worry about his feelings for her. He ended the 6 month affair the afternoon I found out and he has been nothing short of wonderful since then. He is remorseful and he agonizes over the pain he caused me. And when I look into his eyes, it’s honesty that I see. I love him…I always will. I pray that together we can get through all of this. I’m having more good days than bad right now and I so hope that continues to get even better.