…continuing research and study of “Should I Confront the Other Person.
I asked the following questions of my readers:
1. What was your purpose for confronting the OP and what did you say/do?
I wanted her to know she is not the only person my husband had been with.
2. What happened? What was the outcome?
Husband defended her, became angry with me. He told her I lied and that she was the only one he had been with. He married her.
3. If you were to do it again, would you do it differently? What did you learn?
I’d tell them both that they were two irresponsible adults being led by their genitals, and effecting the lives of our children and myself. Of couse, no matter what I’d say, would make no difference…..knowing what I know now, I’d be better off watching a good movie, going to the gym or having fun with friends.
Coach’s comments:
Sometimes the patterns of infidelity and personal dysfunction are so well entrenched, so undeniable strong that you might as well throw in the towel… or read a good book.
I wish I knew more…the kind of affair she was facing. Serial infidelity – probably “I Don’t Want to Say No.” Although he married her, maybe “My Marriage Made Me Do It.” The anger would fit that one more accurately.
Have you had a similar experience? Questions? Comments? Leave ’em below…
I confronted the OW. For me, she was able to tell me what my husband could not – the TRUTH.
iv been with my husband 31 years hes been seeing fiona 3 years be for my husband shes all so had flins with three of his brothers what short of person is she or i should i say same thing about him animal both of them thanks bernie
I had to confront the OW because she was one of my best friends and like a second mother to my child! I confronted her…finally, because I wanted her to leave my husband and family ALONE!! She caused so much pain and anguish for my daughter, because my daughter was the one that caught them and confirmed what I had suspected for a couple of months. They both denied everything repeatedly, but what they didn’t realize was that I have done my homework and I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that this is true. The worst part about this is that when my daughter caught them embracing and kissing, they tried to convince her that she didn’t see what she did. My daughter is a teenager and she knows what she saw. My husband continues to deny everything and insists that she will be his friend no matter what I or anyone else says. The OW even physically attacked me in front of my husband and he defended HER! Just to clear things up, I did NOT start the fight either. The amount of rage that was directed at me from her and my husband was enough to convince me that I am right about them.
The outcome was what I wanted…she is leaving my husband alone now. She has moved two hours away from here. It is a shame that I had to go crazy on both of them, but now they both know the proof that I have and I think I scared them both. My husband is very angry with me and continues to make veiled threats against me. But, I am charging neutral and if he wants to leave…fine by me. There’s the door! I will no longer allow the two of them to control me and my emotions or my home! Enough is enough!
Would I do it again? I guess it depends on the circumstances. This affair had some really complex issues going on…and it still does. I will never allow some one to hurt me and my daughter again the way that these two very irresponsible adults did. They were acting like a couple of love sick teenagers!! How irresponsible! They never gave a thought to how all of this might hurt our children! That is the worst part of all of this!
By the way, I think that the type of affair I am facing is the revenge affair. For some reason, she convinced him the I am having an affair. He is also very jealous of my success in OUR business. I was able to help him achieve goals that he never expected. I didn’t do it for myself, I did it to help HIM! Go figure, it back fired on me….
I found out that they are still communicating. I don’t know what to do with all of this rage and betrayal! She isn’t going to leave him alone. She wants him and isn’t going to stop until she gets him.