Charging Neutral to Develop Trust After Infidelity

Trust after infidelity is very difficult to achieve, but what can you do to make things a little better?

Marriages that have been affected by extramarital affairs will always have a difficult time rebuilding the trust in that’s lost in the relationship. An important aspect that you will have to concentrate on fixing is the way you communicate with each other, especially when there are a lot of issues that need to be resolved which is most likely.

A great way to start rebuilding trust after infidelity this is to charge neutral. The act of charging neutral means that you become aware of how you communicate with your partner, and control it in a way where you will be able to convey what you want to say in a direct, honest and calm manner.

A lot of people have a hard time controlling what they say, especially in the heat of the moment. You can find a lot of different kinds of exercises that you can try to keep this from happening from books or even on other relationship blogs on the internet.

Charging neutral means that you keep yourself from reacting to whatever it is that your partner is saying or doing to you. To develop trust after infidelity, instead of yelling back, being defensive or sarcastic, making snide or rude comments, you remain calm in both your tone and attitude, and you say what it is that you have to say without creating more problems than you already have.

When you remain calm in addressing your problems, you will be able to bring up even your biggest problems out in the open for you to work on without causing a lot of drama. And the best part is, your partner will be able to see the control and the personal power that you have. He or she will be able to rely on this control and trust that you will be able to get through any issues you might have because of it. He or she will know that you will be able to stay calm no matter what, and that you will remain honest and truthful.

The Truth About Infidelity Websites and Unhappy Relationships

Just how popular are infidelity websites among those who are in unhappy relationships?

A recent story published by USA today said that websites that offer free membership to married individuals who want to look for other married individuals for purposes of “hooking up” record their highest profits of the year the day after Valentine’s Day. Why?

A person who runs such a website said that, “People are disappointed by their spouse’s lack of effort, and they feel especially undervalued when there is a societal expectation of romance. Certain days of the year act as litmus tests for many people in relationships.”

We tend to force romance into our relationships most of the time just to prove to ourselves that we can be romantic just like everyone else, but it usually doesn’t work and only ends up emphasizing our unhappy relationships. What’s more is, your partner could very well be one of the people who register on infidelity websites without your knowledge.

There are two possible concepts that trigger and increase the disappointment we feel during this particular day:

First being that romance gets too hyped up and it somehow makes us kind of self-centered.

Romantic movies and novels as well as love songs that come out describe romance generally as something between two people where each others’ thoughts and feelings, wants and needs are mirrored back to each other, where you begin to feel like you’re something special and you lose sight of the fact that you are just like everyone else going through the motions of life.
One more reason is because we concentrate on our personal needs. We focus on us – our need for constant attention, our need to be adored, our need to be listened to. And when our partners don’t meet our needs, or don’t do what we expect, we start to become resentful or frustrated towards them, whether we do it consciously or not.

On Valentine’s Day, there is an exaggerated expectation for romance in general. And even when we say that we don’t care whether or husbands or wives do anything special on that particular day, we get swept up in it along with everyone else. So when nothing happens, we become more convinced that our is an unhappy relationship compared to others.

The Other Person: Not to Blame for the Affair?

Finding out about your partner’s affair is difficult, and usually, you start thinking about the other person and what it is that he or she has that made your partner cheat.

Maybe you feel that hearing about the other person will help you understand your partner’s actions, and maybe you even expect to hear about how he or she was tempted and seduced by this person. But what you have to understand is that the affair wasn’t caused by the third person, at least not by himself.

Your partner’s infidelity most probably happened due an issue that he or she is dealing with personally – it may be even something he or she has been dealing with before you got married – and the affair was a way to escape reality along with all the problems and issues that are a part of it.

The affair relationship was based on the idea that the other person represents a sort of freedom from all the responsibilities and obligations your partner has in your relationship, and that is where the attraction stems from.

Letting go of the thought that the other person is the cause of all your marital problems will be a big step in fixing and saving your marriage.

You have to keep in mind that if your partner didn’t have an affair with this particular person, then someone else might have been in the picture as the other person and you would still have been in the same position.