The Key to Saving Your Marriage: Identify the Type of Affair

Having had plenty of experience with couples and individuals going through extramarital affairs over the past two decades, Dr. Huizenga has classified 7 different kinds of affairs. While most affairs arise from a perceived inadequacy from the marriage, there are some that are caused by a personal conflict by the offending partner.

There are some people who feel some kind of entitlement in having the perfect partner, and tend to move from one person to the next in the pursuit of that. There are also those who are so in love with the idea of being in love that they neglect actually working on their relationships to stay being in love, and look for that feeling elsewhere instead.

Another type of affair could be caused by a partner’s need for revenge for some reason. It could be because of something you did or something you did not do. It could also be caused by anger of some sort over a conflict you had.

Some tend to engage in affairs to kind of affirm their desirability, not always to other people, but most of the time to themselves. And there are those who are confused about the balance of intimacy and distance, and tend to look somewhere else for help in that area.

Whatever the reason is behind your partner’s infidelity, understanding it will be the key in discovering and developing the right approach in your pursuit to save your marriage.

Recovering from Infidelity

What does it take for a person to recover from infidelity and begin rebuilding one’s life and perhaps marriage or relationship?

This important question is answered by some of my readers who express what was helpful for them in recovering from infidelity:

>>>>I clearly identified what kind of “cheater” my husband is and feel a great sense of relief as well as strategies on how to approach him accordingly. I also am clear about how to take care of myself in a natural and strong way.

>>>>I learned what behaviors I should exhibit. I learned what behaviors I had been doing that were making things worse. I got a sense of what type of affair (in my wife’s case, just an emotional one thus far) my wife was having and what that meant for her psychologically.

>>>>My wife had a #6, she needed to prove her desirability. Your book, which I now suggest to everyone in my situation, really nailed her personality type and issues related to the affair.

>>>>I actually feel a little better because it seems like such a practical tool for how to deal with my husband on some of these issues.

>>>>I have some guidance to use. I have only just started using them but feel that the charging neutral is one of the best tips I have received.

>>>>It has helped me understand what is going on in my husband’s head.

>>>>Identifying the type of person my spouse is and applying the strategies was very helpful.

>>>>It helped me understand the odds of saving my marriage based on the type of affair my wife is having. As a result, it gave me the strength to move forward with my life without my wife and it also gave me pointers of what not to do. Finally, it helped me understand that there is a ~70% chance that my wife’s affair / relationship will end in failure.

Infidelity Turning Points

Facing infidelity sets you on a journey with many turning points. The road is difficult, the most intense human experience, I believe, but can lead to a new life, a new relationship with new perspectives on who one is and what one desires the most.

Here’s a question I presented to a reader and the response:

1. What was the turning point(s) in your recovery? What part, if any, did my material (e-book, articles, site) play?

When I realized that there was nothing I could do to get him back. I tried most of your suggestions but apparently he was to far gone. The words “if you love something that much sometimes you have to let it go” and I did and from that day forward I was able to move on in my life. I did however come to realize that I’m a very nice person who is often taken advantage of and in that vein I tried to help someone who took advantage of me and was abusive towards me in the end. Without hesitation when I got to the end of my rope I cut him free, quickly and cut my losses. In do so and spending a few months alone and even toying with the idea of getting back together with my ex I realized that ex was never going to change and I didn’t want a lifetime of lies and cheating. When my head cleared I was blessed with meeting the most wonderful man on earth. We have been together a short period of time but the lessons I’ve learned from you will certainly help me with communication, openness, forgiveness and trust. Thank you for those invaluable insights. My future looks bright.