The Impact of Infidelity and Betrayal

November 1, 2008 by 2 Comments

How does infidelity impact a person?

Check these out from my readers.

The last one is telling.

>>>>>Infidelity has destroyed my trust in my spouse and also I don’t trust myself to make good decisions for fear of being hurt again. My self esteem is at an all time low.

>>>>>I am not happy anymore. I think I’m depressed. I don’t trust him anymore. I ma very emotionally sensitive these days.

>>>>>It feels like it will never be over. Not until HE acknowledges what he did and is able to accept my forgiveness and show that he has changed the way he lives his live. I honestly want to have cordial relationship with him, but because he cannot “own” what he has done he continues to act like a jerk toward me when there is no reason for it. I don’t trust myself to pick another partner. I don’t want to put anymore energy into developing a new relationship with another man. It is hard to keep my relationships with my in-laws, though we are very fond of each other and they have been very supportive of me.

>>>>>I spend alot of the time thinking about how she could do this to our family. Going over the last 9 months and all of the events and arguments seems to get me no peace. She has filed for a divorce and I still cannot believe that she would tear apart not only my world but also our two daughter’s world also. I am low, depressed and wondering/hoping that this will end. It is absolutely the worst thing that has ever happened to me in my life. I live somewhere else and all I want to do is go home and make her happy but she doesn’t want me. It’s in God’s hands all I can do is worry about my kids. My wife of 13 years has left me for a fantasy!

>>>>>I realized that I deserve more than I have been getting. I have started to feel more confident in myself. I have opened myself to possible relationships with other men. I have started going out with my friends.

>>>>>I don’t take myself for granted. I basically took off and made myself a new life when he told me he wanted a divorce. I now know how much fun it is to start over and do exactly what I want and need to do. Incidentally, he followed me, we reconciled and things are better now than they were before.

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The Impact of an Affair

October 25, 2008 by 2 Comments

An affair dramatically alters one’s world. Thoughts, feelings, expectations and the issue of trust become paramount.

Read what some describe as the changes the affair has made in their life:

1. Preoccupation with comparing myself with others.
2. Spend time watching a computer tracking system looking for activities 3. Insecurity of being myself.
4. Fear of not doing what activities spouse wants to do worrying about what he’ll get into with my presence.
5. My husband had an affair with a woman who lives out of state, so much of their communication was via email and phone. Although he assures me that he has not heard from her since June, I still catch myself wondering about things when his cell phone rings or when he spends too much time on the computer.
6. Since the affair, I now feel that I am somehow in competition with “her” and with other women in general. I am sure most of it is in my head, but I hate feeling this way.
7. Because my husband told so many lies during the affair, I find myself constantly wondering if he is telling the truth now. Although I have no reason to think he is lying now, I guess once bitten twice shy. I really didn’t think I had anything to worry about back then either!
8. Since the affair, I have noticed one positive thing. Because I did spend 6 months on my own in an apartment, I know that I am more than capable of providing for myself and my two-year-old son. I no longer have that “dependency” on my husband that I felt just prior to our break-up.

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Infidelity Dilemma: Why Doesn’t He Leave?

October 23, 2008 by 2 Comments

Love has not much to do with infidelity or extramarital affairs. Infidelity and affairs have much to do with powerful personal needs over which the cheating spouse seemingly has little awareness or control.

So, a common theme for the cheating spouse is: “I won’t make any decision.” S/he tries to maintain a broken, fragmented world of secrecy and deception.

His/her sense of personal control and power may be so limited he waits for others to make decisions for him/her.

And so his/her spouse waits for him/her to decide or act decisively when s/he has little capacity to decide.

Here’s a case study:

The question: List 3 or 4 meanings that your partner’s affair has for you. That is to say, what impact is the infidelity having upon YOU? For example, how has is changed what you think about? how you spend your time? how you think of yourself? etc? Tell a story or give examples of how your life is now different.

Before my husband starting having the affair our marriage was already on rocky ground. He even let me know during one of our marriage counseling sessions that he was looking for someone else. Not soon after that he found someone else. I thought he would soon leave and that would be the end of that. But that was 7 months ago and he is still having the affair and has not left yet. He stays home some nights and with her some nights. This is all I think about. Is he coming home tonight or will he go over there. I feel like he has no respect for my feeling what so ever. I’m not sure how much more of this i can take, but every time I try to leave and go live somewhere else he makes all sorts of threats to me. I just don’t understand why he keeps coming home, why doesn’t he move in with her. Does that mean he still loves me or just doesn’t care enough about her to give me up?

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