Infidelity: It’s Shock and Knee-Jerk Reactions

February 12, 2009 by Leave a Comment

D-Day, the day of discovery often kicks in the first stage of shock.

It’s a new world…dramatically different new world.

Usually the shock takes one of two directions.

A person is frozen, immobilized and wants to pull the covers over him/her in the morning and fantasizes that it all goes away.

Another response is to flail, react and make knee-jerk decisions.

Neither way works of course, but are natural responses, depending on how one is wired.

My ecourse, Killer Mistakes, serves the purpose of dealing with the shock.

Here are a couple responses to the ecourse:

It helped me see the mistakes i had already made. As soon as i found out he had actually cheated on me i went and filed a divorce. More for my protection than anything. I know that we could still work things out and this is why i started to get your course. it helped me see out to work things out it a whole other way. I was pressuring him to do a lot of things that i thought would be good for our marriage( counseling, saying I love You etc.) None of them would have worked because he’s not committed to me,only himself. You brought up almost all of those things that i was doing wrong. I’m am taking your advice. I look at things in a whole other way.

When I first found out about the affair, I was completely mad. I was going through so many different emotions from one minute to the next, I didn’t know what to think or do, and started to behave very badly, and was headed down a road to self destruction. Reading the e-course helped me realize that what I was feeling was normal? (Normal for finding out about the betrayed). It made me realize that I am not alone, and that many other people are going through the same emotions. When I first started reading the material I was finding on the net, it said that this would be a time of self discovery, which at the time I thought was a load of bs. But after a few weeks and the initial shock started to wear off, I did actually start to look inside, and found out some things about myself that I did not like, and am now in the process of changing my attitude. In some aspects of my life I am now a better person, but still very much struggling with the knowledge of the affair. thanks for your help

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Coping with Infidelity

December 21, 2008 by 1 Comment

Infidelity changes one’s life. New ways of coping and viewing self, others, family, marriage and the future emerge.

Here’s a question I posed:

1. List 3 or 4 meanings that your partner’s affair has for you. That is to say, what impact is the infidelity having upon YOU? For example, how has is changed what you think about? how you spend your time? how you think of yourself? etc? Tell a story or give examples of how your life is now different.

Even though I know the affair is not my fault, I think about ways I could make myself better. I continue to try and push away the negative and think about what positive has come out of this. Weird thing to say but I can breathe easier knowing that some positive things have come of this. My life is completely different, my husband has decided after 45 days of me finding out and not seeing or speaking to me about anything that he wants a divorce. Needless to say I was absolutely crushed, my family is destroyed or feels that way, we have two children of our own and my nephew who we are guardians for. Our son is 7 and our daughter is 18 mos old. All of a sudden, the dream I thought we both were striving to achieve was on pause while he was put on active duty to support the war. Instead I find that he had an a ffair with a married woman who has four children, he didn’t even cheat right, he told her he was divorced that his wife, whom he still loved left him. I am torn inside in a way that I have never felt before. Our friends and family were surprised but I wasn’t and that is the part that hurts. Through this I have found faith to help me through the rough days and family and friends support is always good. I spend my time trying to stay busy

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Infidelity Impact: How to Cope with the Affair

November 24, 2008 by 3 Comments

How does infidelity change one’s life? What is it’s impact? Read what these two readers say. If you’ve been there you might understand. If you haven’t been there it will help you understand the impact of infidelity:

I spend a lot of time thinking about how things could be different. I create fantasy partners, who love and cherish me, and help or inspire me to find hidden talents in myself. I wish I were different – prettier, more clever, more athletic, more alluring – but I don’t how to make those changes. And I’ve stopped sharing things about my marriage with those people I used to confide in.

I know longer trust him, I check his cell phone, his clothes, and his vehicle. I stay angry at him most of the time, something happens that brings back all of the pain, and it doesn’t help that he still works in the same company with them. I feel insecure, not desirable, I have more self- doubt. He tells me I just need to get over it there is worse things than someone having a affair, but not in “My World”. I trusted him with all of my heart and all he could say was, I took him for granted, we both made mistakes now just get over. And what’s the worst part I know he still in contact even though he tries to act like he’s not.

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