Confronting Infidelity: Knowing the Actions of Your Partner

February 21, 2012 by Leave a Comment
Discovering that your partner is having an affair is never easy. And one of the ways an individual deals with it is usually by asking about the details of the other relationship. Asking about the things your partner did with the other person – whether they had sex or not, where they went, what they talked about, when were they together and how often – these things become the basis for what you are going to do next and how you will handle the situation.

Remember that there is nothing wrong with you for wanting to know the details of your partner’s affair. A lot of couples have gone through and are going through a situation like this, and plenty of them are most likely reacting the same way.

The following are some reasons why the need to know is strong:

1. It becomes kind of a competition. You want to know what your partner did with the other person because it becomes a push for you to do better. You want to prove yourself and prove that you are better. For some couples, knowing the details of the sexual interactions in the other relationship heightens their sexual encounters and brings to the surface some hidden fantasies or desires.

2. It creates a connection between you and your partner. In some relationships, emotional distance creates a barrier that keeps your from really being together, and the affair, or talking about the affair, becomes a reason for you to communicate and reconnect.

In other cases, the affair may be a way for your partner to stir up some drama or get revenge. Your partner brings it up or talks about it a lot to get a reaction from you.

3. You want to be able to protect yourself health-wise, especially if your partner is having an active sexual affair. You need to know the details of his sexual encounters and the extent of protection used, so that you will know if you need to get yourself checked from STDs and so that you can protect yourself against them.

Filed Under: Infidelity and Tolerations, Infidelity Coaching, Infidelity Decisions, Infidelity Help, Infidelity Impact, Recovery From Infidelity, Relationships: Marriage, Surviving Infidelity Tagged With: , , , , , , , , ,

The Key to Saving Your Marriage: Identify the Type of Affair

February 7, 2012 by 6 Comments

Having had plenty of experience with couples and individuals going through extramarital affairs over the past two decades, Dr. Huizenga has classified 7 different kinds of affairs. While most affairs arise from a perceived inadequacy from the marriage, there are some that are caused by a personal conflict by the offending partner.

There are some people who feel some kind of entitlement in having the perfect partner, and tend to move from one person to the next in the pursuit of that. There are also those who are so in love with the idea of being in love that they neglect actually working on their relationships to stay being in love, and look for that feeling elsewhere instead.

Another type of affair could be caused by a partner’s need for revenge for some reason. It could be because of something you did or something you did not do. It could also be caused by anger of some sort over a conflict you had.

Some tend to engage in affairs to kind of affirm their desirability, not always to other people, but most of the time to themselves. And there are those who are confused about the balance of intimacy and distance, and tend to look somewhere else for help in that area.

Whatever the reason is behind your partner’s infidelity, understanding it will be the key in discovering and developing the right approach in your pursuit to save your marriage.

Filed Under: Extramarital Affair Types, Infidelity Coaching, Infidelity Decisions, Infidelity Help, Infidelity Impact, Recovery From Infidelity, Relationships: Marriage, Surviving Infidelity Tagged With: , , , , , , , ,

Just Leave the Bum

November 30, 2009 by 5 Comments

I came across again today a person struggling with whether to stay or go.

The affair had been going on (and off… and on) for a long time. Friends and family gave the advice: leave!

But, there is an investment. He’s a good father, good provider and an emotional attachment forged over the years.

But one tires and gets weary of the elephant in the room. Eventually, some day that weariness, that tension emerges with more power and it seems as if a decision is looming. More chips are thrown on the table.

Is this bad? Is this good? I prefer not to sit in judgment. It just is. And it IS common. People who care, people who are determined, people who become attached to relationships find it most difficult to make this life altering decision of whether to stay or go.

Filed Under: Infidelity Decisions
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