Revealing the Affair: Factors That You Must Consider

June 14, 2012 by Leave a Comment

What are the things you should take into account before telling your partner about your infidelity?

There are plenty of people who have gone through affairs and do not know whether they should let their partners know about it or not. They are faced with making this decision by themselves. But when it comes to revealing an affair to your partner, whether it happened in the past or is still happening, making the decision is never just about whether to tell or not. There are more things that you need to consider before you can move forward, some of which may not even be so obvious.

It is not just your partner’s reaction to your having an affair that you should worry about because there could also be some serious consequences when you do not tell him or her.

Secrets have a way of cutting into relationships and creating suspicion and doubt. In relationships where secrets abound, both parties tend to be cautious especially when it comes to the things they talk about.

Whether you are conscious of it or not, you avoid talking about certain topics because you are afraid that it will lead to you being found out. But you should know that all you are bringing into your relationship is more lies, doubts, questions and suspicion. In most cases, it is this strain in your communication that destroys the relationship rather than the affair itself, regardless of whether or not the affair is revealed in the first place.

Voluntarily telling your partner about the affair doesn’t ensure that it will be less painful – it does not mean that at all. But it does allow you to have control over how you are going to say it and how your partner is going to find out rather than him or her finding out from someone else. This gives you the opportunity to reveal your affair in a way that will bring you closer together and make your relationship stronger, and not just as a way for you to end your guilt. You must also be prepared to stay and listen to what your partner has to say about it and how he or she will react, whatever those reactions may turn out to be.

So, more than the decision of merely telling or not telling, consider also the why, when and how. Accept your faults and your consequences in the situation, and work towards creating a more open and honest communication that will strengthen your relationship.

Filed Under: After the Affair, Infidelity Coaching, Infidelity Decisions, Infidelity Fears, Infidelity Help, Infidelity Impact, Marriage Makeover, Recovery From Infidelity, Relationship Tips, Relationships: Marriage, Surviving Infidelity Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , ,

Bad Advice: Using Jealousy to Fix a Marriage

June 12, 2012 by 2 Comments

Will it really help your marriage if you make your partner jealous, especially after infidelity?

There is plenty of relationship advice that can be found everywhere – books, TV, online, and many other places. And one of the worst pieces of advice that have been put out there is that jealousy can actually be good for a relationship, that it can help fix a marriage.

A few online advice sites and relationship blogs have published articles that gave out this very advice. One article even suggested that couples should make each other jealous on purpose on a regular basis because it will apparently keep the couple on their toes and add spice and a little excitement to the relationship. There is not much basis behind this particular piece of advice, but maybe what the author means is that he or she believes that it will make the relationship stronger somehow, or that it could be a good way in spicing up the relationship. But this is not a healthy way of achieving that, it  is actually the least bit healthy, especially if there’s been a bout of infidelity to consider.

Rebuilding a relationship after infidelity shouldn’t include the negativity that jealousy brings. Building trust, love and great communication are foremost the most important things you should work on, as well as connection, honesty, passion, appreciation and integrity.

The only thing that jealousy will bring to your marriage is more problems and more issues, particularly if you do it on purpose. It can further destroy the trust that’s already been hurt by the affair, and could do irreparable damage to the marriage. So remember to think about the things you read, especially when it is on the internet because no matter how smart or right it sounds, it could actually do the opposite of what it claims to do.

Filed Under: After the Affair, Infidelity and Tolerations, Infidelity Coaching, Infidelity Decisions, Infidelity Fears, Infidelity Help, Infidelity Impact, Marriage Makeover, Recovery From Infidelity, Relationship Tips, Relationships: Marriage Tagged With: , , , , , , , ,

Emotional Affairs: A Harmless Type of Affair?

June 7, 2012 by 1 Comment

What would you rather your partner’s affair would be? Would you rather that it was only about the sex? Or would you prefer that your partner had feelings for the other person?

“Are you in love with him or her?” That is usually the first question you ask your partner when you discover that he or she had an affair. Most people would dismiss sexless or emotional affairs like they’re nothing compared to physical affairs, but what would you rather hear your partner say – that it was only about sex or that he or she has developed feelings for another person?

When there’s no sex or physical intimacy involved in affairs, it’s somehow looked at as an unimportant and harmless event or mistake.

Sharing secrets, goals, problems, thoughts and feelings with someone who is not your spouse can only lead to trouble, and will most often lead to deeper feelings for the other person and probably even lead to physical intimacy eventually. You may not even notice that your friendship with this other person is getting deeper and deeper, and then all of a sudden you become attached to him or  her and forget all about your partner.

Most clients who have suffered going through emotional affairs are those who had the hardest time dealing with their partners’ betrayal. So, if you see yourself going through something like this or if you find that you are hiding a particular relationship with a person or anything else that you wouldn’t want your husband or wife to know about, it’s time for you to stop. Make an effort to stay away from this person, at least until you are certain that there is nothing going on other than friendship. Save your marriage.

Filed Under: Extramarital Affair Types, Infidelity and Tolerations, Infidelity Coaching, Infidelity Decisions, Infidelity Fears, Infidelity Help, Infidelity Impact, Marriage Makeover, Personal stuff, Relationship Tips, Relationships: Marriage, Stopping the Affair Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , ,
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