Confronting Infidelity: Knowing the Actions of Your Partner

February 21, 2012 by Leave a Comment
Discovering that your partner is having an affair is never easy. And one of the ways an individual deals with it is usually by asking about the details of the other relationship. Asking about the things your partner did with the other person – whether they had sex or not, where they went, what they talked about, when were they together and how often – these things become the basis for what you are going to do next and how you will handle the situation.

Remember that there is nothing wrong with you for wanting to know the details of your partner’s affair. A lot of couples have gone through and are going through a situation like this, and plenty of them are most likely reacting the same way.

The following are some reasons why the need to know is strong:

1. It becomes kind of a competition. You want to know what your partner did with the other person because it becomes a push for you to do better. You want to prove yourself and prove that you are better. For some couples, knowing the details of the sexual interactions in the other relationship heightens their sexual encounters and brings to the surface some hidden fantasies or desires.

2. It creates a connection between you and your partner. In some relationships, emotional distance creates a barrier that keeps your from really being together, and the affair, or talking about the affair, becomes a reason for you to communicate and reconnect.

In other cases, the affair may be a way for your partner to stir up some drama or get revenge. Your partner brings it up or talks about it a lot to get a reaction from you.

3. You want to be able to protect yourself health-wise, especially if your partner is having an active sexual affair. You need to know the details of his sexual encounters and the extent of protection used, so that you will know if you need to get yourself checked from STDs and so that you can protect yourself against them.

Filed Under: Infidelity and Tolerations, Infidelity Coaching, Infidelity Decisions, Infidelity Help, Infidelity Impact, Recovery From Infidelity, Relationships: Marriage, Surviving Infidelity Tagged With: , , , , , , , , ,

Sex during Infidelity: Not Always as Great as You Thought

January 31, 2012 by 2 Comments

Most of the time, those who have been cheated on imagine that the reason why their partners engage in affairs is because they aren’t satisfied sexually in your relationship, that they get that satisfaction from the other person. This isn’t always true.

There have been a few cases where the persons who were involved in extramarital affairs described their sexual encounters with the other person as nothing to be desired, and said that they hugely regret their infidelity.

One of these cases, in particular, was a male who went through an extramarital affair number six – I need to prove my desirability. He said that he’s always struggled with self-esteem issues. So when a woman who was 15 years younger than him started to give him attention, he was flattered and started feeling good about himself. They flirted for a few months and then “tried” to have sex on a few occasions. He said that it was not good at all, and it only made him feel even more guilty.

So before you think that what you imagined is the truth, talk to your partner, get the facts straight. Sometimes, things aren’t as great as they seem.

Filed Under: Infidelity and Tolerations, Infidelity Fears, Infidelity Help, Infidelity Impact, Infidelity Testimonials, Relationships: Marriage

When Abuse is Too Much

August 9, 2009 by Leave a Comment

Verbal and physical abuse may be part of an extramarital affair. And, the cheating spouse may be so deeply ingrained in abusive patterns (sometimes called a character disorder) that setting firm boundaries may be the only way to deal with the abuse and save one self and/or children. Sometimes it IS better to leave.

I’ve posed the question of abuse to my readers. Read these case studies:

Case study 1:

1. What in the way of disrespect, blame, criticism and/or abuse are you facing?
My marriage is in Divorce stage. Husband is with OW and she just had a baby. I did not put up with any of the abuses from the beginning. He blamed me for the whole affair, wanted me to continue to care for the home and his son (not mine) and take his laundry to the dry cleaner and drop him at the airport to go see her. I walked in on him having internet sex with camera’s with the OW
.
2. What has worked best for you in stopping or tolerating less and less of these destructive behaviors?
I had a court order drawn up getting him out of the house and refused to take the abuse. In working through the divorce, I still refuse to take his abuse and refuse to let him push my buttons.

Case Study 2:

1. What in the way of disrespect, blame, criticism and/or abuse are you facing?
everything imaginable,accused of affair,lying stealing spying.starting fights to get out,leaving for weeks at a time.still says hes never had a girlfriend or affair,only hookers,he thinks that’s acceptable and hes said sorry,so everything should be just fine.Total disregard for me in every way.

2. What has worked best for you in stopping or tolerating less and less of these destructive behaviors?
moving out

Filed Under: Infidelity and Tolerations Tagged With: , ,
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