Sexual Addiction: How Does it Cause Extramarital Affairs?

September 11, 2012 by Leave a Comment

A kind of extramarital affair that is becoming more and more common is one related to sexual addiction. The one having the affair has a hard time saying no and instead, feels obligated to say yes when it comes to sex.

Although we all have our limits when it comes to affairs, and will, at some point, eventually say no and mean it, there are those who have a difficult time at doing so. Not because they want to continue the affair, but because they have a hard time saying no to it.

This is why sexual addiction and infidelity that is caused by it is very hard to fix, because it’s difficult to separate one from the other completely unless the addiction is addressed.

In this two-part article about the relationship between sexual addiction and infidelity, you will learn a few identifiers that will help you point out whether or not you should suspect sexual addiction as the cause of your partner’s infidelity, or if it is a different type of affair caused by other factors.

Here are some things that you should take note of:

1. The other person or persons are only seen as objects for personal gratification. Your partner does not develop a real relationship with him or her, and no true intimacy is developed. He or she is used merely for sex.

2. Your partner’s sexual addiction may have stemmed from an experience from childhood that he or she had a difficult time to cope with and hadn’t completely resolved yet – usually sexual abuse in some form.

3. Sex, to your partner, has a heightened role or value in your relationship. The need for sexual gratification is great and should be acted upon frequently. Also, other activities related to sex such as watching porn, going to strip clubs, or having multiple sexual partners is very common.

For more signs of sexual addiction, check back in a few days for the second part of this post.

Filed Under: After the Affair, Infidelity and Tolerations, Infidelity Coaching, Infidelity Decisions, Infidelity Help, Marriage Makeover, Recovery From Infidelity, Relationship Tips, Relationships: Marriage, Surviving Infidelity Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Keeping Secrets: Why They Can Ruin a Marriage

September 4, 2012 by 1 Comment

Is it alright for you to be keeping secrets from your partner? In what instances or situations is it okay to do so? And in when is it not? Read on to see why secrets in a marriage can break the trust you’ve worked hard to build, and what you can do to fix it.

Keeping secrets from your partner, no matter how little you think they are, can be very damaging to your relationship. Which means that you have to be very, very careful about this.

Most of the time, your partner will be able to sense that you are keeping secrets, or at least something, from him or her anyway, and although he or she may not ask you directly what it is, there could be hints that will be sent your way asking you to divulge whatever it is that you are hiding. And the more you avoid answering or divulging what it is, the more your partner will suspect you of doing something wrong, and he or she will start losing trust in you.

Usually in extramarital affairs, what hurts your partner most is the fact that you betrayed his or her trust, kept things from him or her and lied constantly to cover things up. These things — the keeping of secrets — more than the fact that you had sex with another person, is what is most damaging for relationships.

But this does not mean that you have to talk about every single detail of your affair with your partner, that you have to describe in full detail what you and the other person did, where, when and how. No, it does not mean that at all. Your partner may ask you to reveal some details of the affair but you don’t have to be very specific about it.

What you need to do, though, is to resolve these things and find a way to forgive yourself because it’s the first thing you need to do before you can really move forward with your relationship.

Filed Under: After the Affair, Infidelity and Tolerations, Infidelity Coaching, Infidelity Decisions, Infidelity Fears, Infidelity Help, Infidelity Impact, Marriage Makeover, Recovery From Infidelity, Relationship Tips, Relationships: Marriage Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , , , ,

After the Affair: Barriers in Saving the Marriage

August 30, 2012 by Leave a Comment

What do you need to know to save the marriage after the affair?

Rebuilding a marriage after the affair is very difficult, even with all of the information you can have, because no matter how much you read on the matter, it will still be your personal barriers that will keep you from making any real changes.

The following are three most common barriers that people encounter while going through this situation after the affair:

1. Your partner refuses to open up and talk about the affair. You try to get him to talk, you ask questions, you try to peel back the layers your partner is hiding from, but you don’t get anywhere. And it seems that the more you ask about it, the more your partner pulls away. You have a hard time trusting him or her, or getting past the betrayal, because you imagine all these things that he or she did with the other person. And the worst part is that you don’t know for sure what happened because your partner refuses to answer your questions about it.

2. You are afraid. You’re scared to demand anything from your partner after the affair for whatever reason, and you try to stay out of his or her way. Maybe you don’t want him or her to feel pressured or stressed by you because you don’t want him or her to find comfort outside your marriage again. You only try to analyze what his or her actions mean and you are never sure if what you think is right or wrong. You keep your struggle inside rather than opening up to your partner what you really feel.

3. You are focused on the other person, and how he or she compares to you. You want to be able to be the person you were before the affair, but you’re just always unsure of yourself now. And it’s worse when your partner isn’t giving any indication of what he wants – whether it’s you or the other person – because it just makes it all the more confusing.

Filed Under: After the Affair, Infidelity and Tolerations, Infidelity Decisions, Infidelity Fears, Infidelity Help, Marriage Makeover, Recovery From Infidelity, Relationship Tips, Relationships: Marriage, Surviving Infidelity Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , , ,
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