Archives for August 2012

Relationship Communication: Being Able to Say What You Really Mean

August 9, 2012 by 1 Comment

What can you do create and develop a better relationship communication with your spouse?

Communication is a very important part in any relationship, and good communication requires that the things you are saying will be reflected in the things you are doing. When you are saying something but your actions are showing different, your partner will begin to doubt you and question whether or not to believe what you are saying.

A very common example of relationship communication that turns negative is when you go out for dinner. Most of the time, even when you don’t really want to go out, you act like you do because you feel like you should or because you don’t want to disappoint your spouse.

Your words say that you’re excited and ready for a night out, but your actions say that going out is the last thing you want to do, and that all you really want to do is go to bed and sleep. Which of the messages you’re sending out will your partner focus on? Although it may be something very trivial, it still has an impact on your relationship communication and in partner’s trust in you.

So rather than acting as if you are interested in doing something when you’re actually not, it’s better if you just say that you don’t want to do it. Initiate good relationship communication with your partner and let him or her know that you know how important it is for you to spend time together and ask if, instead of going out, you can stay in instead or do something else.

Let your partner be aware of what you are feeling and why you are feeling that way so that he or she would not be confused or suspicious of why you don’t have interest in something that you always do together. This creates a better relationship communication and generates trust in each other.

Filed Under: Infidelity and Tolerations, Infidelity Help, Marriage Makeover, Relationship Tips, Relationships: Marriage Tagged With: , , , ,

Common Barriers Faced When Working on the Marriage

August 7, 2012 by 1 Comment

What do you need to prepare for when you decide on working on the marriage after infidelity?

Couples who decide on working on the marriage after a bout of infidelity, especially those who are in a “polarized” relationship – where one is open about talking things through, and the other wants to forget about it and move on – usually find themselves stuck at one point or another from moving forward in their relationship.

Here are a few possible issues you might encounter if you are working on the marriage after infidelity:

1. Rebuilding and working on the marriage after infidelity usually implies that each individual is required to act, feel and think in a specific manner in order to achieve their goal of fixing the marriage. Whether it is out in the open or not, there is a certain kind of pressure on both parties not to do anything that will cause a halt to the progress they are making. And this pressure makes you act or behave in ways that you don’t necessarily want to act or behave.

2. You also feel kind of forced to be nice to each other and to put your best foot forward because you see conflict of any kind as the worst possible thing that could happen in your already rocky relationship. You try to keep things positive, but avoiding conflict means ignoring and hiding from your problems and issues that you need to address, which will only add to the issues that already exist in your relationship.

3. Most couples try to find a middle ground – a common factor – that will hold them together, and become frustrated when they discover that there is little or nothing there. But this lack of common ground between the two of you doesn’t have to be a bad thing. On the contrary, it could be just the thing you need to develop something new that could make your relationship stronger and better. Discovering each other and learning new things from each other may very well be one of the best things that could happen to you while you are working on the marriage.

People who are working on the marriage tend to become very cautious and careful versions of themselves, and this should never be the case. The more open, honest and clear you are about who you are, what you want from your partner and what you want from your relationship, the better it will be when you are working on the marriage.

Filed Under: After the Affair, Infidelity Coaching, Infidelity Decisions, Infidelity Help, Infidelity Impact, Marriage Makeover, Recovery From Infidelity, Relationship Tips, Relationships: Marriage, Surviving Infidelity Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Developing Trust: Share Who You Are to Your Partner

August 2, 2012 by 1 Comment

Does your partner truly know who you are? Do you allow him or her to know you?

Let your partner know who you are completely. Most people get scared or embarrassed to show who they really are to the significant people in their lives, especially their partners.

Trust in any relationship is strengthened by what we know or learn about the other person, but more importantly by what we allow the other person to know about ourselves.

It is not easy to be completely open with someone else. One reason being that we are afraid they won’t accept us, and another being that we may not really know ourselves as much as we think we do. Most of us don’t really take the time to reflect on ourselves and realize what is important to us. We go through our daily lives not really thinking about what we are doing and only focusing on what we have to do. So a lot of us tend to doubt the things we believe in and become afraid of being open about them, even to our partners.

This isn’t exactly what tears down trust in relationships, but it is one of the factors that hinder it from growing deeper. It is best that you make time for yourself every now and then for you to be able to discover or learn things about yourself that you wouldn’t know otherwise.

There is a lot to learn about oneself every day. What dreams and goals do you have in your life? What things drive you toward these goals and dreams? What values are close to your heart or are the most important to you? These are just some of the things you might get to learn about yourself in your reflections. And when you’ve found out something new about yourself, share it with your partner or other people who are closest to you. Trust them with this information about you.

It may not be easy to do, but try to find the courage to open yourself up and allow the people in your life to get to know you better. This will not only deepen the relationship and trust you have in each other, it will also generate respect from your partner.

Filed Under: Infidelity Coaching, Infidelity Decisions, Infidelity Fears, Infidelity Help, Marriage Makeover, Relationship Tips, Relationships: Marriage Tagged With: , , , , ,
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