What does it take to heal and recover from the affair?
Briefly, I will identify two important steps that most state were crucial in moving through the pain of infidelity and initiating the healing process.
1. First, it’s terribly important to stand back and see the patterns. When lost in the forest we see the tree but we do not see the totality of the forest. Therefore it’s easy to wander from tree to tree, often ending with the tree from which we started.
And, there are patterns in infidelity. Very distinct patterns actually. (I’ve identified 7 specific patterns and motivations for infidelity.)
Once the patterns are identified or at least the process of identification starts, one feels almost immediate relief and hope. Yes, there is a way out of the forest.
Here’s what one reader says:
“It (Break Free From the Affair) definitely helped me to understand some of the what and why my husband was having an affair. When my husband read the part ‘I fell out of love…’, he said it was almost spooky how many of the bullet points applied to him.”
2. It is important to engage in what I call “charging neutral.
Charging neutral is, in essence, being non reactive. It means finding your “center” operating from there and refusing to react in the face of your pain and fears.
It does not mean accommodating, being nice or “faking it.” It means stating your position with directness and power.
Here’s another person stating the results of charging neutral:
“So far, it has helped me to remain neutral in my conversation towards my spouse. It seems to be working. I have identified my spouse as being in the Type 1 affair and has helped me in understanding it a little better.”