What do you do with your anger/rage?
Do you feel it? Do you think it? Do you plot devious scenarios in your mind to “get even?”
Do you express it? Do you keep it buried deep within? Does it come out around the edges – short with children, loved ones, kick the dog, etc?
Are you fearful of expressing directly to your cheating husband or wife the intensity of your anger/rage? …Fearful that your anger/rage will only inflame the situation or drive him/her to the other person and away from you?
Does your anger/rage wear away at you, internally? Do you suffer physical symptoms of this internal churning? Have you noticed the tightness in your muscles, in your body? Do you feel the knot in your stomach? Do you experience other physical discomfort as if your body is crying out to you for some sort of relief?
What to do with the rage, the anger???
Well, watch this video and leave your comments. Do you approve of this means? Do you find it humorous? Do you find it cathartic? Do you wish it is something you could do? Do you think it’s harmful? or helpful? Have you done it? If so, what has happened.
I’m not suggesting you do this. However, watching it might enable you to touch that anger in you and decide how best to cope with it.
Or…. you might just get a good laugh out of it…
I have mixed feelings about the betrayed wife’s reactions. First I admire her a bit as she’s got gumption and she certainly makes her feelings known. On the other hand, I can’t help but wonder if anger and drama are her predominant personality traits and if so, maybe she’s just made a complete ass out of herself. I also wonder what type of affair her spouse is involved in and whether she might live to regret her actions. Overall, though, I gotta give her a hand for her spunk. I can’t envision myself making a public scene like that, but ya gotta give her credit for her honesty!
how sad.
After finding out about my Ex husbands first affair I threw our computer through the car window…monitor through the front and the hard drive through the back! When I think about it now…that is scary. But after finding out about his second affair, I handled it much differently. Nothing went flying out the door, but instead, my husband behaved irrationally!
I laughed at this video but at the same time I felt this poor woman’s pain…
I through my wedding band and our wedding picture the first time. The second time I just cried, it hurt too much to be mad. I too laughed and thought I’m glad I didn’t carry on like that.
I too felt her pain!
Yes, I do feel the rage…it eats at you!!!! I was betrayed not only by my husband, but by my best friend! I look back at all of the times that I know NOW they were just trying to get rid of me so they could have time together, and I want to just beat the hell out of both of them!!!
I have seen this video before and I can completely understand where this woman is coming from. It is very sad!
My rage has been directed at both of them verbally. Their rage at me for discovering the affair and then acting on it, was manifested in physical abuse from both of them. I should have had her arrested, but I felt sorry for her kids. I have helped to raise them since their father died a few years ago. I couldn’t stand the thought of them having to see their mother in hand cuffs. So, who is the better person? My daughter had to see me being abuse by both of them, yet I would not allow her to go to jail. My daughter has to endure the memory of seeing her father kissing and embracing this woman, yet I won’t let her tell the other woman’s children for fear of hurting them.
I decided that I want a voice for my anger and rage. I have decided to write out all of my feelings on a daily basis as they come to me. When I finish with this notebook,(I don’t know how long it will take), I plan to mail it to a friend in a sealed envelope. This will represent my voice. I haven’t decided yet who I will mail it to, but I think that it will help me to work through all of this pain and anger.
Any thoughts from anyone on this?
My therapist advised me not to confront the OP. It is 9 months since my discovery. She still works for my husband and he keeps telling me it is defnately over between them but she is integral part of transition in his business. I am becoming obsessed with confronting her. I revise my speech in my mind…I really want to tell her that he will NEVER choose a THING like her above me permanently! I want to tell her how ugly she is. I really want to get at her and send the footage that I have (of them in MY house) to her sons who are 17 and 19 and live with their father in another town. I don’t know if I will be able to charge neutral. I really want her to be so ashamed and beg for forgiveness. Oh, I wish I could just not think about it for one day… I am struggling with ‘mind control’ as my therapist calls it.
Too bad this young lady is so much pain. I would hope that her actions helped her to vent the anger she felt. However, I doubt it helped in the long run. She would have done better perhaps to just accept that this man is a morally sick individual. I’d say, give him what he wants. Let him go to the other woman. She’ll be having the rage attack next. Philanderers aren’t true to anyone. Accept that she made a bad choice of selecting this man for a husband. Learn ways to recognize a person who has good moral principles and wants to be married. He obviously does not.
I saw myself in that video. I too wanted to tell the older children of this whore what she was doing with my husband. I have raged to my husband for over a year. I am insanely jeolous of every moment, gift, touch anything he did with that person. THe pain is unbeliveable!! It feels like your home, I was married for 17 years, was torn into a million little pieces and everyone feels sorry for the poor raging wife. My therapist says that the world does not realize that a betrayal in a marraige is one of the most incidious abuses a person can live through. You are dealing with mood swings, depression, PTSD, pychotic behavior, anger, rage, grief, etc…Why cant people understand how devestating an Affair is?
This is nothing. I don’t feel this wronged wife has done anything over the top. She is rightfully angry, but not really in any extreme way. Frankly, I just found out 17 days ago that my wife cheated 18 years ago, and after suffering from years of her making me out to be a lousy husband for thinking something was wrong with our marriage, accusing me of cheating (which I’ve NEVER done), spying on me, and even becoming physically violent with me once, I really want her to die. I’ve never wished anything bad on anyone in my life, but my rage at her is the most powerfully out of control emotion I have ever experienced in my life. I wouldn’t ever do anything to harm her, but in my mind I frequently see her getting into a fatal accident, or having a heart attack, or committing suicide. And yeah, I know I need help and I am in therapy now. We’ll even go for couples counselling because our friends say that after 34 years of “a good marriage” I should give it a chance, but I know where this will end up.
I can totally relate to this woman. I think she should have broken the TV, too. And maybe bent the golf clubs over his head. Since it was with her best friend, maybe over her head, too. That makes it even worse – you lose 2 people you loved. I agree with Edna on what her therapist said (only), a betrayal is like a death except they are still in your face. Rage is one of the steps in grieving. It is horrible for the rager, as well but pushed to the edge, that’s what comes up. The anger is so insidious that nothing besides total distraction will help. But, you have to be by yourself sometimes and that’s when it creeps in. I have never felt anything like this in my life. (Agree with Robert on that one). Whoever it was in the posts who said “just accept it” obviously has not been through this or has not gone through this stage of grieving. But being told to “accept it” is like telling someone to “calm down”, it just makes them madder. She will accept it soon enough, right now she’s mad as hell and he deserved to have his shit kicked to the curb. I’ll bet she did feel at least somewhat better after that. Good for her, way to show her boundary – I hope she kept to it.