You may have a bag full of tricks and skills that you have learned or are in the process of learning.

The infidelity or extramarital affair is right before you. Its ugliness stares you in the face.

And, you are determined to fight it, to save the marriage, to resolve it in some fashion, to see some sort of movement in the relationship that signifies some change or shifts.

And so you employ the skills. You state clearly your position. You charge neutral. You are non reactive. You define your needs. You listen. You make powerful statements in a loving manner.

You read another self-help book. You learn a couple more tricks. You employ them – very well. You do a great job of doing what the experts say.

And…………

You get the same ole response. Or worse, you experience a flare up of some nasty words and behavior. Heated argument. Blame. Anger. Rage. Withdrawal. Cut-off. Stone cold silence. Rolled eyes. Focus placed back on you. Excuses. Defensiveness. You get the picture…

And, then you go back to the negative feelings and negative thoughts. Is this worth it? Why am I trying so hard?! What good does it do?!

The fact is that some people are so locked into their pain, their illusions, their delusions, their distorted filters of you, the world and themselves, that they at that moment in time lack any capacity to respond to you, or others, for that matter, in a healthy way.

Those who chose infidelity to manage their personal needs and inner desert often are at this place of temporary insanity. They live in a world of delusion. They are unreachable.

Now, please know that they are not to be blamed or criticized. We all do crazy things periodically. We all shoot ourselves in the foot, and it hurts. Woulda, coulda, shoulda.

Most emerge from the fog and delusion of infidelity and reclaim themselves. Some don’t. But, at particular times, it seems as if they need to hang onto that world for dear life. At that time, you are knocking on a door where no one is home.