Confronting Infidelity: Knowing the Actions of Your Partner

Discovering that your partner is having an affair is never easy. And one of the ways an individual deals with it is usually by asking about the details of the other relationship. Asking about the things your partner did with the other person – whether they had sex or not, where they went, what they talked about, when were they together and how often – these things become the basis for what you are going to do next and how you will handle the situation.

Remember that there is nothing wrong with you for wanting to know the details of your partner’s affair. A lot of couples have gone through and are going through a situation like this, and plenty of them are most likely reacting the same way.

The following are some reasons why the need to know is strong:

1. It becomes kind of a competition. You want to know what your partner did with the other person because it becomes a push for you to do better. You want to prove yourself and prove that you are better. For some couples, knowing the details of the sexual interactions in the other relationship heightens their sexual encounters and brings to the surface some hidden fantasies or desires.

2. It creates a connection between you and your partner. In some relationships, emotional distance creates a barrier that keeps your from really being together, and the affair, or talking about the affair, becomes a reason for you to communicate and reconnect.

In other cases, the affair may be a way for your partner to stir up some drama or get revenge. Your partner brings it up or talks about it a lot to get a reaction from you.

3. You want to be able to protect yourself health-wise, especially if your partner is having an active sexual affair. You need to know the details of his sexual encounters and the extent of protection used, so that you will know if you need to get yourself checked from STDs and so that you can protect yourself against them.

Infidelity Recovery: Anticipating the Dips

Once you begin to learn about infidelity, stand back and observe the patterns, you can brace yourself for the ride. More than that, as you anticipate the dips and loops of the ride you find yourself prepared and they lose their frightening edge.

Read this case study:

1. How has this E-course helped you change the way you feel, think and act as you face infidelity. Give examples, if you can.

This e-course had given me specific examples of types of affairs, and concrete suggestions for ways to deal with them. If I had not had these types to think about, I would never have been able to sort through anything that was happening to me in any logical sort of way. When I initially became aware that the affair was a reality, I had not a clue as to where to begin…and the first overwhelming feeling was that something was horribly wrong with ME. After I downloaded the e-book, I spent many,many hours reading and re-reading the kinds of affairs. The support it gave me was incredible, because I slowly began to see that it was not so much about ME, though I certainly had a part in all of it, but it was much more about HIM! The roller coaster ride became a ride that I was familiar with… I was riding the same ride many times! Instead of being surprised the curves and loops, I began to anticipate them…. I started to see some patterns in my husband’s behaviors….just as one can start to anticipate when one needs to hang on to the seat of a roller coaster as it approaches its biggest curves and loops! Of course, hanging on to the seat does not take away the feelings in the pit of one’s stomach….but just knowing that one can anticipate something about the ride begins to make it a different ride….after all….roller coasters are fun for lots of people!

Fighting the Infidelity Abuse: Growing Your Spirit

It is natural for most to feel as an abused victim once they discover the infidelity of their cheating spouse. Self esteem takes a tumble.

Read how this person moved through this pain and attempted to reclaim her spirit.

1. What in the way of disrespect, blame, criticism and/or abuse are you facing?

Even though it has been a couple of years since the aftermath of learning about an affair that happened 20 years earlier, this situation knocked me off my feet and took the air right out of me. Why he told me now is strange, but I wanted to believe in us back then. Anyway he showed many of these responses, and I should have left him for a while to give him space to assess his behavior. I was like the battered wife…coming back for more believing it would get better. I let the situation take my spirit away and needed to practice your principles of self-preservation and personal growth. The struggle I had was falling into the pattern of an abused victim rather than to focus on me for growth. It is so hard to let go of abuse pattern.

2. What has worked best for you in stopping or tolerating less and less of these destructive behaviors?

Walking away and showing signs of withdrawing from our relationship when this behavior is displayed. I need to grow my spirit and person…I have to strengthen me again. I get hurt even easier than before from him or others.