Sometimes the disrespect and mental abuse it too much. For someone with a “character disorder” an affair is just the tip of the iceberg.
Read these two case studies of those who pulled the plug on the marriage.
1. What in the way of disrespect, blame, criticism and/or abuse are you facing?
There was so much mental abuse. I can’t believe I let him go on about it without throwing the bum out sooner. He used to tell me about their little rendezvous at motels & how exciting they were. How they’d shower together afterwards & then go home to their spouses. He blamed everything on me or someone else, ie. the kids, his mother, the lack or his father being around, etc. Nothing was ever his fault. He was taking money out of out account to spend on motels, lunches, viagra, you name it….. spending no time with the family. If he was home he’d be in the basement banging on his brums with a headset on, or he’d take walks alone. I’d ask if he wanted company & he’d say ‘not really’.
2. What has worked best for you in stopping or tolerating less and less of these destructive behaviors?
After 7 times of him leaving & then coming back crying & begging, I threw the bum out & divorced him. One day he shouted at me saying, “You divorced me! I didn’t want a divorce!’ This is also the idiot that when I told him I was going on a date with someone from work, he said ‘You’re not supposed to go out with other guys’. I’m so much better off physically & especially mentally without him. I do things for myself now, buy clothes, get pedicures, massages & go out with friends. I never did much for myself & as our marriage counselor said, ‘why was this marriage all about him’. Now, it’s all about me!! I’m taking care of ME for the first time in 30 years.
1. What in the way of disrespect, blame, criticism and/or abuse are you facing?
He says I got us way in debt, when it was him, looking at porn, he belongs to a motorcycle club where alot of girls will show themselves. He takes pictures of them doing it and recently started puling up there shirts. He would also stay out all night and then tell his friends that I was a bitch and yelled at him. When all I would say was could you please get home at a decent hour so you don’t sleep all day so we could have some time together.
2. What has worked best for you in stopping or tolerating less and less of these destructive behaviors?
Not getting upset when he tries to start a fight. sending him a e-mail that told him I could not take the way he treated me and if things did not change I could not live like this any more. I told him I loved him very much and I hoped he would want to try to fix our marriage. He chose not to and had an affair and moved in with the girl about 2 months later, I think he was afraid I would divorce him and did not want to be alone so he found someone first, this is the second time he has done this same thing, only we were dating the first time he came back to me 18 months later and said I was the only girl with her head on her shoulders and that I wanted a relationship. Something really wrong with him there is bipolar in his family and his son at 16 went to prison for sexually molesting small children he will be 21 in February he got 4-15. I think he is also.