The “I Need to Prove My Desirability Affair” can take many twists and turns.

The affair often occurs in early 40s when the old ways of coping with the pain and shame break down or lose their grip over a person.

The Affair defies reason. It arises out of long held beliefs and stored memories that haunt.

Case Study:

My story, like most stories is slightly different my husband suffered from some kind of silent mental break down. During this time he had a relationship with a neighbor. This neighbor was an unbelievably cruel lady who used threats, intimidation and violence to get her own way. Why did he allow this to happen? When he was 5 years old he was abused by a neighbor. The only way the 5 year old could cope with the trauma and feelings he felt was to suppress all of it. This worked for 35 years, although he was haunted by things he did not understand and had constant nightmares. This self protection mechanism worked until our neighbor approached and found that she could easily get her way. Anyway this went on for 15 months until it was exposed. Once exposed the great weight was lifted from my husband. He started therapy and was at last able to deal with his past. We have moved to a new house and we are still together. Although i do understand how this happened – for my husband part of the journey he had to take to get where he is today. He is happy and content. I do feel let down and hurt that our relationship and strength did not override all these other feelings and issues he was dealing with. I am very cautious and the trust that used to be 100% is not so strong now. I have good days and very weak days.