You’re like my father… brother

Rebuilding a marriage after an affair inevitably raises concern around having sex with each other.

I talked to a person today who was rebuiling the marriage after infidelty and he expressed concern about sexual performance, especially in light of the fact that his wife told him she had “good sex” with the other person. In addition, she stated that she perceived him (her husband) more as a father or brother. (This means, I’m not sexually attracted, or have a difficult time getting sexually aroused when thinking of having sex with you.)

This disturbing scenario is often the case in affair #6: “I Need to Prove My Desirablity” or Affair #4: “I Fell out of love… and just love being in love” in which the cheating woman was overindulged by her father.

It is important to remember that seeing the husband as a father or brother, is a projection and has nothing to do with the sexual adequacy of the husband.

Other red flags: the cheating wife seems to stare into space or watches mindless tv programs. This may indicate a tendency toward splitting life into component parts. This pattern is frequently learned at an early age and carries forward into adulthood. Such a pattern gets in the way of establishing intimate and healthy sexual relationships.