to Survive and Cope with Infidelity and Extramarital Affairs
How do you get the cheating spouse to talk more when surviving infidelity and the extramarital affair?
Dr. Huizenga – the infidelity coach – helps you understand the reasons (3) why the cheating spouse may clam up and tips (3) on opening lines of communication in surviving an affair.
The first step in breaking free from the affair is stopping the behaviors which seem natural and almost instinctive considering the circumstances. Once these behaviors cease, some movement may be seen in breaking free.
Here are some comments from readers on stopping self-defeating actions:
1. How has this E-course helped you change the way you feel, think and act as you face infidelity. Give examples, if you can.
>>>I was determined not to plead and beg and tell him how much I love him, which was of course what I felt. Things are better, and he seems to have cut off contact with the other woman. I am not totally certain though as he insists they were “friends”.
>>>This E-course helped validate my concerns for my own sanity. I realized how important I am, my dreams, and how much energy I was wasting on him and the OP.I’m glad I found myself again. Thank you.
>>>I feel that your course has helped me to be a better loving person. My love and understanding for my husband has brought him back to me. He now calls the other women “Devil Woman” as she has fought him with name calling, fighting, demands, and pure meanness. Our marriage has reunited after one year of being apart and back and forth indecisions by him and his not knowing who he wanted to be with. Your course helped me to identify what things I had done wrong and the patience to just keep loving him and treating him with understanding. Also the “what not to do” and “what to do” suggestions your course gave me were wonderful and helped very much. Thank you for your help. His affair made our marriage better than it ever was and he treats me better than he ever did before. I know without your courses, your book, and your emails I would never have made it. Thank You
There is a small voice within (sometimes it’s more vocal!) that if one listens, holds many of the answers to life’s questions.
This small voice knows what we need and what we need to do.
Sounds easy.. but far from it. This instinctual knowing voice is often drowned by other prominent voices that tout cultural imperatives, the latest pop psychology or fear based thoughts.
Here’s a man that followed his instincts:
1. What was your purpose for confronting the OP and what did you say/do?
We met in the hallway at work a few days after I discovered the affair. I could not walk past this guy without saying something so I asked him to come up to my office, I am his Boss
.
2. What happened? What was the outcome?
He came up eventually and I told him that he was in the process of dismantling my family and how difficult and painful it was.He appologized and left promptly. He still did not stop pursuing my wife. I had to threaten my wife with divorce and had him banned from the Admin office and had to stay away from me.I eventually spoke to his wife who knew something was going on but uncertain of what it was. She got to him and he finally called me back to say that he wanted his marriage intact as well and if he could take back the affair he would…he apologized again and this time he stayed away from my wife.
3. If you were to do it again, would you do it differently? What did you learn?
No.I learned to follow my heart andf my instincts in trying to sort out this most terrible experience of my life. My wife and I have relocated half way across the world and slowing piecing things back together.
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