The Key to Saving Your Marriage: Identify the Type of Affair

Having had plenty of experience with couples and individuals going through extramarital affairs over the past two decades, Dr. Huizenga has classified 7 different kinds of affairs. While most affairs arise from a perceived inadequacy from the marriage, there are some that are caused by a personal conflict by the offending partner.

There are some people who feel some kind of entitlement in having the perfect partner, and tend to move from one person to the next in the pursuit of that. There are also those who are so in love with the idea of being in love that they neglect actually working on their relationships to stay being in love, and look for that feeling elsewhere instead.

Another type of affair could be caused by a partner’s need for revenge for some reason. It could be because of something you did or something you did not do. It could also be caused by anger of some sort over a conflict you had.

Some tend to engage in affairs to kind of affirm their desirability, not always to other people, but most of the time to themselves. And there are those who are confused about the balance of intimacy and distance, and tend to look somewhere else for help in that area.

Whatever the reason is behind your partner’s infidelity, understanding it will be the key in discovering and developing the right approach in your pursuit to save your marriage.

Infidelity Is Opportunity to Learn

Yes, affairs do happen.

You probably never thought in a million years that it would happen in your marriage, but you are there.

Here’s a question you SHOULD ask yourself… to help you heal and recover: “What Am I Discovering About my Self, Others and Relationships?”

Infidelity Recovery: Anticipating the Dips

Once you begin to learn about infidelity, stand back and observe the patterns, you can brace yourself for the ride. More than that, as you anticipate the dips and loops of the ride you find yourself prepared and they lose their frightening edge.

Read this case study:

1. How has this E-course helped you change the way you feel, think and act as you face infidelity. Give examples, if you can.

This e-course had given me specific examples of types of affairs, and concrete suggestions for ways to deal with them. If I had not had these types to think about, I would never have been able to sort through anything that was happening to me in any logical sort of way. When I initially became aware that the affair was a reality, I had not a clue as to where to begin…and the first overwhelming feeling was that something was horribly wrong with ME. After I downloaded the e-book, I spent many,many hours reading and re-reading the kinds of affairs. The support it gave me was incredible, because I slowly began to see that it was not so much about ME, though I certainly had a part in all of it, but it was much more about HIM! The roller coaster ride became a ride that I was familiar with… I was riding the same ride many times! Instead of being surprised the curves and loops, I began to anticipate them…. I started to see some patterns in my husband’s behaviors….just as one can start to anticipate when one needs to hang on to the seat of a roller coaster as it approaches its biggest curves and loops! Of course, hanging on to the seat does not take away the feelings in the pit of one’s stomach….but just knowing that one can anticipate something about the ride begins to make it a different ride….after all….roller coasters are fun for lots of people!