Healing from Infidelity

July 22, 2009 by Leave a Comment

Here are more comments from readers on their journey of healing:

>>>I have gone through the pain, and attained better emotional stability. And now i am giving my husband a last chance to improve, also planning a healthy break-up if he does not give any assurance to change himself. Sometimes I feel he has sexual addiction.

>>>Trying to see the big picture and be the only one to work on improving the marriage. By charging neutral, not reacting with my communications, I have kept our marriage afloat. My husband has dropped legal dissolution, and our communication is better than it ever has been. Like you said, make the marriage better than ever.

>>>My husband and I have been trying to reconcile for 2 months. He has left 2 times and always come back (we have 4 small children) your insights helped me realize what I was going thru and what to expect. I think we are finished now but I am still wondering what we’ll be up against.I often forward your emails to him. The most telling one was the most recent about therapy-it was us to a tee. He participated only to have an out and say it didn’t work.

>>>The course made me see the mistakes I have been making and showed me the depth of my pain, worded my feelings and, sadly, made me feel “one of the crew” of unhappy people to whom this has happened. It made me feel better, too, to know that many other people had experienced the same terrible emotions, insecurities and doubts and got through them, hopefully, for good. So I immediately ordered the book and now, three months after I found out about my husbands affair and passionate love for the other person I stopped crying every day, he stayed, says that he wants to work on the marriage and I think about the next course for my less-than-satisfactory life and marriage. I’m also now quite capable of thinking about divorce without crying and see it as something that won’t break me if it happens. Thank you.

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Infidelity: the Healing Journey

July 14, 2009 by Leave a Comment

Healing from infidelity is a journey. For those who continue to recycle the same patterns in their life it usually takes 2-4 years to feel the pain ease.

For those who learn and embrace the challenge, it takes much less time.

Here are some comments from those who are learning:

It is helpful to know that you are not alone, that many, way too many people experience this horrible horrible pain. It is true, though, you do need to better yourself for you and only you. It is very hard to let go, but it is nice to know that you can recover and come out better for it. I have only just begun my recovery, but ever day even though it’s just baby steps, I feel a little stronger. I try to keep busy and stay positive. I know now that there is better out there for me, even if it means facing the future alone. I have accepted that it was he that stepped out of our marriage, not me. I am accountable only for my own behavior. I can change no one but me. I wouldn’t want to change anyone else! They will have to answer for their own behavior and injustices. I feel a little stronger and a little more positive everyday. Thank you, you have been an inspiration.

I’ve learned that we have choices. We can either stay in a relationship where there is no trust, or we can get out.. Too often we are made to feel like it is our fault that our spouses had and affair.. The truth is it is not. They too had a choice to make and they chose to have an affair and when the get caught, they want to shift the blame and to justify their affair.. Learn to say it is their problem not yours.. Don’t take on their problem and make it yours. there is no relationship where there is no trust.

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Recovering from Infidelity

July 10, 2009 by Leave a Comment

Recovering from infidelity is often a long process which stirs within powerful feelings, thoughts and images that go to the core of who on is.

These three people share part of their journey and questions:

Case Study #1:

1. How has this E-course helped you change the way you feel, think and act as you face infidelity. Give examples, if you can.

Knowing the type of battle i am facing, really put my mind into perspective. The first 2 weeks i was suffering terribly on what could have gone wrong with me, but this e-course really helped me enlighten that i may have done something wrong within the relationship, it was never and it will never be my fault that my husband had made bad judgments.

2. What unanswered questions do you have at this point as you cope with infidelity?

my husband has had the affair for 2 years before i found out and at this point i was still wondering and would like to understand who he was during those 2 years, why did he stayed on for 2 years more with me, why he just he didn’t let me go from the moment he knew that his relationship with the OW was getting serious – why did he deprived me of the love & affection that i needed – it was so selfish of him. Yet, across all that had happen – i still love my husband.

Case Study #2:

1. How has this E-course helped you change the way you feel, think and act as you face infidelity. Give examples, if you can.

It has definitely helped me gather my thoughts, calm down and think rationally. It has been very helpful to read of situations, feelings, reactions and behaviors that have fit my own situation so well, and gives me hope that they can be worked through constructively.

2. What unanswered questions do you have at this point as you cope with infidelity?

My wife was never a dishonest person, financial pressures and the hum drum of homemaking combining with the emergence of the old high school sweetheart created the perfect storm. Her relationship with him although limited pretty much to an ’emotional affair’ has changed her significantly and this is difficult to deal with.

Case Study #3″

1. How has this E-course helped you change the way you feel, think and act as you face infidelity. Give examples, if you can.

It has made me realize that I am important and that I did not do this to our marriage. Whatever was the cause of it…I now know that I need to be concerned with myself and to never let someone have such a hold over me.I am my own person and not just “his wife.”I am going to utilize this wake-up call in my life to benefit me and to eventually be at the point where I will feel that this was a “good thing” that made our marriage even stronger.

2. What unanswered questions do you have at this point as you cope with infidelity?

I know my husband had an affair. There is no question about that. I have lots of proof that it happened.But…..he has not formally admitted it to me. Which bothers me. I know that it has stopped because I can tell. He is being a perfect husband and “friend.” MY QUESTION: Will I be able to heal from this w/o a confession? Can the trust be repaired when he won’t confess???????

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