Infidelity Coaching: The Power of Telling Your Story

October 19, 2008 by Leave a Comment

Infidelity coaching offers the opportunity to speak, to speak in ways that you probably never spoke before to someone with whom you feel extraordinarily safe. Think about that for a minute.

Powerful.

About a year ago I offered 15 minute free consultations to my Newsletter readers. (I may do that again someday – if I find the time!)

Here are some of their responses:

Talking to Dr Bob I not only managed to identify the type of affair I am dealing with but also the question that’s really bothering me – what do I want out of this? I was so wrapped up in what I was afraid might happen and “what if I go through this for nothing and it happens again” that I wasn’t looking at what I WANTED to happen, what I valued about my marriage before this episode. I feel renewed hope and a new strength to tackle what’s happening in my life.

I enjoyed talking to the expert! I gained the strength to try a new strategy, though I still feel like it’s too late to make a difference.

While I have tried to be positive all of my life one important factor that came out was your comment about me having my head in the sand. At first I was defensive but the more I think about it perhaps it has been my “wishful thinking” (the glass is half full, things will get better…) I have learned a very valuable lesson and I can guarantee you that “this” will not happen to me again (fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me). Another important issue that I got out of our conversation was the confirmation that while my wife denies this and says that she has no feelings, I know that she still has very deep feelings for me – unfortunately these feelings are not positive and include resentment, disappointment for not meeting her expectations etc. She has had a “wall” up for quite some time now. I honestly believe that she still has positive feelings (every once in a while something sneaks out) but the resentment wall is so tall and wide that these positive feelings may never come through. I certainly have no intention of forcing anything but this conversation has reinforced my resolution that we need to separate for a while and give us both time to regroup. I am convinced that I cannot live like this and we need to talk about the realities of going our separate ways. My intentions are not to be manipulative or to force her to do anything. I have honestly tried to accept my responsibility for our current situation and improve me for my sake not hers – unfortunately she has not. I honestly believe that we both need to want to change and if there is no desire then we would both be much better off apart.

Want to check out infidelity coaching?

Filed Under: Infidelity Coaching Tagged With: , ,

Infidelity Coaching: Relationship Help

October 17, 2008 by Leave a Comment

I provide a free 15 minute consultation for those who read my e-book, “Break Free From the Affair.”

Often, these 15 minutes calm the soul, provide clarity, direction and a better feeling of well-being.

Here are some comments from these sessions:

It was good talking to you. You fired me up somewhat. I have been at a loss as to what to say to her as I am very much tongue tied so as not to upset or push her even further away.

I felt the session provided me with the inspiration to continue what I was doing and that I was on the right track. It was more a tool to help me get through this very tough time. Though brief the session did provide tips that there may be hope. Thank You.

It feels great to share my feelings with someone like you, who is unbiased. Your input made me feel better and more confident in how to express my feelings to my husband.

Even before the session, I benefited. In preparing my “pre-session” summary for you and reflecting on my written statement. I looked at my situation for the first time in writing. I felt a “third party” aspect:
1. I felt more rational when I looked at “the facts” in writing; I could see it more objectively than just emotionally/reactive and
2. I felt hope from a “third party” I felt someone cared about the deep hurts, would keep the confidences, and use this to help me and others–a dedicated professional with expertise to creatively/effectively use the internet system.
During the session:
1. the tone of your voice and words…respectful and caring without a hint of condescension.
2.Rephrasing to clarify your understanding and
3. powerful ability to concisely reframe my thinking and also offering an entirely new way to look at “the obvious”. I loved how focused it was.

Filed Under: Infidelity Coaching Tagged With: , ,

Marital Infidelity: Finding out Might Make You Ill

September 7, 2008 by 2 Comments

Should you confront the other person?

This person did and what she discovered turned her stomach.

Be prepared for what you might discover.

1. What was your purpose for confronting the OP and what did you say/do?

My purpose was selfish. I wanted to see who this person was, not only looks but personality and really wanted to know for my own need of knowing what kind of person would fall for such nonsense. What I did was invite her to my daughters home since she was lied to so she can see the family unit that she was helping destroy, and in return would see that we are real caring feeling people.

2. What happened? What was the outcome?

Well I found out lot of information most of which I hated hearing. She told me how they met etc, their plans for the future and many of the lies he told her. The outcome left me ill.

3. If you were to do it again, would you do it differently? What did you learn?

Well I was so curious, it was eating at me to know. So would I do it differently? Probably. I learned that nothing good could ever come out of any of this.

Coach’s Comments:

1. Curiosity is common. What are you seemingly up against? One of my live coaching audio tapes, 19 Infidelity Coaching Sessions, deals with this issue: “Competing with a blond bombshell.” And underlying need may be to affirm one’s attractiveness and desirability. And, that is understandable. Many express relief when they discover that the OP does not fit his/her inflated fantasy.

2. Don’t assume that if the OP meets you and/or your family that they will be impressed with your feelings, caring or whatever it is you want to show them. They are often too wrapped up in their own needs or fears.

3. Be prepared for what you might discover. Some of it may not be very pretty. Indeed, it may upset your stomach. Give that thought before you dive in.

Filed Under: Confronting the Other Person Tagged With: , ,
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