Whose problem is infidelity anyway? The “wounded spouse” often believes there is something intrinsically wrong with her or the marriage that resulted in a chearting spouse.

This is far from the truth. The problem, the patterns and themes in the cheating spouse, resulted in the affair. This reader says:

It (my ecourse) gave me some hope that I would be able to focus on myself and let go of him and his destructive choices. It helped me see that the problem was inside of him, that it was a fault in his coping/relational skills and not something that was caused by me not being the perfect wife (or the “wrong wife” as he liked to tell me for many years).

Now, this is often difficult: getting clarity about the status of the other relationship AND the level of connection or willingness to connect with the spouse.

This reader states:

At first I was shocked and yes very hurt. While I want my husband back in my life, I am looking at how he feels not only about me but how he feels about the op. During counseling he finally admitted the affair. Today when I asked where the affair stood. He asked that I not blame the op. I told him I could not have him back until he could be sure he was over her. I could not replace her. So he had to be sure. While I am still hurt I do not feel the anger I felt before. Right now I just want to be sure that he does really love me and wants to make a life with me.