Infidelity Coaching Session: When Trust Becomes Difficult After Infidelity

May 15, 2012 by Leave a Comment

Learn from this real-life infidelity coaching session with a client who finds herself having difficulty trusting her husband again after she discovers that he had an extramarital affair.

During this infidelity coaching session, she discusses some of the issues she is going through individually, as well as some of the issues that they are experiencing as a couple. Read on to see if you are in the same situation.

Ever since I found out about my husband’s affair, I’ve been having a hard time trusting him the way I used to. I know that maybe, with some time, I’d be able to do that again, but I’m pretty sure it will never be the same. This whole thing has taught me to put my needs first. I’ve learned to set up boundaries for myself and my husband within our marriage. I guess I just learned to protect myself more. But I want to learn or find out if there are ways that could help us get around the barriers that are keeping us from really reconnecting and making it work and last this time around. I think that at some level we’re basically just afraid, and I want to know about ways that we could get over our fears.

Another barrier we are facing is that we are having difficulty communicating. My husband always says that I have really bad timing when it comes to bringing up conversations like this, but I think he just says that because his idea of moving on is forgetting about what he did or pretending it never happened. I want to try maybe going to an infidelity coaching session as a couple, but I’m not sure how he is going to respond to that suggestion.

Our relationship has never been like this. We’re just so nice to each other all the time and it feels so fake. It was even better when he was having his affair – we talked more and there was a lot more passion in our relationship. Everything now just feels wrong. It’s like we’re so afraid of disappointing each other that we’ve become too cautious about everything we do. I don’t know what to do anymore.

Here are some of the things that were mentioned during the infidelity coaching session that she should focus on while she is going through her infidelity crisis.

1. Be specific about the fear you experience when interacting with your partner. What exactly is it that you or your partner is afraid of disappointing in each other? What other fears do you have regarding your partner and your relationship?

2. Ask your husband what he means by your “bad timing” and ask him when he thinks is the right time to talk to him about the things you want to talk about. You can also try introducing the topic to him before going any further into detail. Say something like “I want to talk about this and that right now. Do you think you’re up to it or would you rather talk about it another time?”

3. Try to identify what specific type of affair your partner was involved in. This will allow you to step back and think of a better plan to approach the issue of rebuilding your marriage.

Filed Under: After the Affair, Confronting the Other Person, Extramarital Affair Types, Infidelity and Tolerations, Infidelity Coaching, Infidelity Decisions, Infidelity Fears, Infidelity Help, Infidelity Impact, Infidelity Testimonials, Recovery From Infidelity, Relationship Tips, Relationships: Marriage, Surviving Infidelity Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Marriage and Relationships: Romance is Not What It Used To Be

April 26, 2012 by Leave a Comment

One of the biggest factors that causes affairs in marriage and relationships, especially that of the “I fell out of love… and just love being in love” type, is romance. And here are some of the reasons why:

1. People use romance as a way for them to meet their personal needs. They want to be acknowledged, to be cared for, to feel special, to feel like they are important and so on, so they look for someone who will do that. Romance should not be used as a tool to feel somewhat validated. Letting it lead you and the decisions you make will only take you from one person to the next without any satisfaction.

2. Romance has become idealized in movies, books, TV shows and other things like that as the ultimate experience in intimate relationships. It is depicted as the basis of a strong and lasting relationship, the basis in choosing the person you should be with. They show beautiful people in a beautiful relationship, and who wouldn’t want to have that?

3. Romance is a way for people to feel good – about their life, about themselves – and they expect to feel good whenever they pursue romance. They want that high you get when you’re with someone new and they expect it to last, but it never does because their basis for being with that person is for an immediate fix instead of a lifetime goal.

4. And lastly, romance is an excuse that a lot of people use for sex. Having chemistry with someone doesn’t indicate that you two should have sex, it doesn’t even mean that you should be together, but most people would see this chemistry as a “spark” that should be pursued and so they pursue it.

Romance has lost its true meaning mostly because we use it as an excuse to satisfy our immediate wants and desires. If you want true romance, look into yourself and be more aware of the things that bring you real happiness and accept yourself for who and what you are.

Filed Under: Infidelity and Tolerations, Infidelity Fears, Infidelity Help, Infidelity Humor, Infidelity Impact, Infidelity in the Media, Infidelity Statistics and Tidbits, Marriage Makeover, Relationship Tips, Relationships: Marriage Tagged With: , , , , , ,

Consistency: Building Trust in Your Relationship

April 19, 2012 by 3 Comments

There is plenty of advice being put out there regarding building trust in your relationship. Most of it is true and helpful, but a lot of it won’t do you any good.

Here is one piece of advice that will be beneficial: Be consistent. A lot of people in relationships or marriages say that they want to be surprised, they want spontaneity, and they don’t want to be stuck in a rut. And although this is true enough in most situations, they also don’t want to be shocked or caught by surprise by sudden changes in your behavior all the time as well.

Your partner wants to think that he or she knows you and knows what you will do. Your partner wants you to be consistent in your actions, your feelings, your behavior, your treatment of him or her, and everything else. Your partner wants to be able to expect or predict how you will react or respond to whatever situation that might go your way.

Sudden changes in your behavior – losing weight, dressing differently, acting differently – these things tend to cause suspicions and doubts that lead to your partner suspecting you of things that may or may not be happening, and end up destroying the trust in your relationship.

You may think that being consistent means being predictable, which is something that everyone does not want to be. But consistent doesn’t always have to mean predictable, and predictable doesn’t always have to mean boring. Be spontaneous, be surprising, be impulsive, but be all of that consistently.

It may seem to be one of those “too good to be true, cure all” steps to fixing a marriage that you read everywhere all the time. And yes, it is such a simple answer to a complex issue, but it does work. Being consistent in the way you are when it comes to your husband or wife is one of the simplest ways that you can build and develop the trust in your relationship.

Filed Under: Marriage Makeover, Personal stuff, Relationship Tips, Relationships: Marriage Tagged With: , , , , , , , , ,
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