Infidelity creates a different world and a different perspective. It forever alters one’s life. One scrapes the bottom of the negative feelings and thoughts, encounters the worst of one’s self.

At that point decisions are made (mostly unconscious, I believe) that move the person toward health. There is ALWAYS an internal part of each of us that works for our health the well-being.

Coping with infidelity is a matter of embracing that part.

Here are three comments from readers that describe where they started with infidelity.

“The affair made me very mad and disgusted because this is not who I thought he was or that he could do this after 22 years of marriage. After reading your book, I now focus on what I need realizing that I am not to blame. My communication has changed, emotions are under control and I have a life to live. I stopped thinking about how to fix this and work on the new normal which is, working on me.”

“1)I use to have a feeling of complete security. That as long as he was alive, he would be there for me if I had a time of need. That secure feeling is gone. Life seems more risky. I now know there might not be a safety net. 2) I don’t feel completely committed anymore. I have one eye out for assuring that our joint decisions don’t have negative repercussions for me if we aren’t together until death do us part. 3) I miss the unconditional love feeling I used to have for him. However, to protect myself from ever hurting that badly again, a part of me is staying a little reserved. I love him, but I’m holding a little back so that if he hurts me again, it won’t be quite as painful.”

“— IMPACT — * FEEL INFERIOR, LESS OF A MAN, BEATEN, A FOOL. * USED * BETRAYED * SAD — CHANGE — * NO FAITH IN MARRIAGE OR WOMEN * BROKEN HEART (X3) THAT MAY NEVER HEAL * NO TRUST FOR MY WIFE — SPENDING TIME — * EXERCISE/WEIGHT LIFTING/TAKING CARE OF MYSELF * CONSTANT SURVEILLANCE; CELL PHONE BILLS/COMPUTER * PONDERING LIFE WITH A REAL COMPANION. This is the third time I have been cheated on. My current wife an I are still together but it is not the same. She wants me to forgive her. She has no idea what this has done to me. I am a good looking and successful man, yet she had a fling anyway with another married man at the urging of whom were once her friends. She is not capable of taking care of herself. In fact she was fired for lack of performance and “misuse” of the internet at work. This was most likely the e-mails she was exchanging with the other man. Her former employer liked me very much, however, they had their reasons to fire her. She is now a house wife now. I feel she is waiting for Mr.Wonderful ($) to come along a rescue her. In the meantime I have developed a insecurity problem and am trying to deal with this the best I can. I think she really does love me but she does this because she can’t help it. Time will tell. I don’t think I have control of this one.”