What is it about infidelity and extramarital affairs that stir the sometimes debilitating feelings and thoughts?

Do you think fear is part of it?

I think it is. It rumbles around under the surface and creates havoc.

But, what are those fears?

Here’s a question I asked my readers and their responses:

So what is it that is behind our fears? What are they pointing to? How are they formed and how do we use them to transform ourselves and propel us into the lives and relationships we really want to have and experience?

>>>>>Behind our fears is that we don’t feel worthy, for whatever reason of the person who is possibly betraying us, our trust. Our own self-image is continuously perpetuating that which hurts the most. The fear that no one truly knows us or ever can. The fear that we will lose something we have invested time and our heart in. The fear that we have to prove to someone or ourselves that we must “win” at getting people to love us and when we are cheated on, it feels as though we “lost”…But it isn’t about winning or losing. That’s what I’m realizing. It’s about recreating your self-image and focusing on yourself, instead of “who is hurting us and why”.

>>>>>Past experiences – he has fooled me in the past so how can I trust that he is not doing the same now.

>>>>>Fear of being alone. Nevertheless, this is is the major task to accomplish in one’s life — to learn to be ALONE live well.

>>>>>Our fears tell us what we prize and value. What we don’t want to lose…such as the ability and feelings of love and security. Think through what would make me feel loved and secure. What kind of person? What is the nature of the exchanges between us? What kind of changes do I need to make in myself to experience that? Is this even possible with my spouse or do I have a better chance of experiencing this with another person in the future?