Men and Counseling: Why Don’t They Mix?

It shouldn’t be a surprise to know that women are more open about going to counseling and therapy when trying to work on the marriage, especially after infidelity occurs. It is common knowledge that men aren’t really into talking a problem out and that they only go through it because they feel that they have to.

Here are some of the most common themes that reoccur in a lot of different cases:

1. Men usually keep things to themselves. They don’t talk about their problems or their feelings or their thoughts unless they feel they have to. They internalize, think about their problems and issues by themselves, and aren’t all that happy about having to share their feelings with others.

2. Men don’t over-analyze. They look at the problem as what it is, think of solutions to that problem, and execute that solution. If one solution doesn’t work, they try out another. They don’t see the point of going to counseling to find a solution when you can find the solution yourself.

3. Men tend to believe and stick to the notion that they are incapable of expressing their feelings and thoughts, which is what they think therapy and counseling is all about. They think that women are the experts on that area, and they don’t want to seem inadequate.

Identifying Barriers to Rebuild the Marriage

There are plenty of couples who decide to stay together after infidelity and make the marriage work. But making the decision to do so is different from actually doing it, and most couples find themselves having a hard time moving forward.

Where the marriage will go after infidelity and how it will get there depends greatly on you and your partner’s individual emotional and cognitive barriers. These barriers could range from a simple case of a fear of being rejected or ridiculed, especially on the offender’s side, to a number of other issues you could be going through but are too afraid to share.

If you find yourself having difficulty in moving forward from infidelity, try this exercise and list down the barriers you think are keeping you from moving on. Identifying these barriers are a good way to finding out what specific concerns you are having issues with, and it will take you a step closer to rebuilding your marriage.

Share this list with your partner and tell him or her to the exercise as well. Being able to open up with your partner about whatever barriers or issues you are having is a great way to start fixing your problems and your marriage. Doing this with your partner will lead to a lot of progress in the long run.

Do I Really Want to Stay in the Marriage After Infidelity?

Most people who discover that their partners are having, or used to have, an extramarital affair have a hard time deciding between staying in the marriage or leaving. Different people have reasons for staying or leaving.

The following are some of these reasons. Read on to see if any of these apply to you, and take some time to reflect on your situation.

Do I really want to stay in the marriage or…?

1. Am I afraid that I won’t be capable of getting out of the marriage? Am I scared of starting over? Of doing it all on my own? Will I be able to survive without my partner?

2. Am I doing it because I feel like my partner needs me? Maybe if I leave, he won’t be able to cope and will only get worse. Am I just staying to make things easier for him?

3. Am I afraid of what he might do? What if I confront him and tell him I’m leaving, and he hurts me? Or worse, what if he hurts the children?

4. Have I forgotten to think about myself? Have I forgotten about my wants and needs because of every other responsibility that I have to face? What are the hopes and desires and dreams I have that have nothing to with my partner?