Infidelity and Charging Neutral: Your Emotional Energy

November 13, 2008 by 1 Comment

Charging neutral is all about your emotions. What are they? How do you express them? Where do you feel them? When do you begin to feel them? What do you do when you begin to feel them? What are the thoughts that accompany the feelings? What do you do with those thoughts? Is there another part of you that stands backs and knows your feelings are emerging? Can that part take action?

Aware of your emotional energy is vital in managing your feelings and fears, especially of being alone, when coping with infidelity.

Charging neutral is managing your emotions. Here’s an example:

1. Tell me your story. How have you used “Charging Neutral” and tell me exactly what happened?

I never knew that what I was doing was “charging neutral”. Thank you for putting a name to it and (very important) giving me more information about this. I never would have dreamed the implications of this behavior without your input. every time I read about this technique in your newsletters I am more and more empowered. My husband abandoned his affair a few months ago. The OP took a job 1000 km’s away. I think that this happened because I refused to react to their relationship. At the time she took the other job, the affair was already waning, but I think my calm stance (due to your ongoing advice, thank you) made her give up. There were many times I felt like confronting her or him, giving the affair my full-blown attention and all the emotional energy that goes along with a confrontation like that. Your emails stopped me. Thank you. It worked. My children were spared all the drama and upset., I was spared the sordidness of a fruitless confrontation. I know that i might have to face this at some other time, but charging neutral will help me through it again.

Filed Under: Infidelity Fears Tagged With: , ,

Coping with Infidelity: Not Alone in Tolerations

November 11, 2008 by Leave a Comment

Not sure whether to stay or go?

Not sure how much you can tolerate, but find yourself putting up with much?

Feel weird, strange, like you are a little crazy for being where you are?

Fear not. You are not alone.

Because of your investment in your family and relationship, you most likely will tolerate more than you thought.

Note this list of what others coping with infidelity tolerate:

1. My husband lies to me constantly about phones calls, money, cell phone messages, his relationships with other women. I can’t trust him anymore. 2. Poor money management, he doesn’t pay his fair share of the financial responsibilities and he makes more money than I do. Is it because he is giving money to the other women>? 3. When I find out about yet another indiscretion, he try make me feel like it is my fault, like I did something wrong. 4. My husband doesn’t any show remorse. 5. He doesn’t recognize how his choices have impacted our life.

1) Text messages and the giggles that follow. 2) coming home late. 3) The voice in the background especially when she is alone in her car. 4) hostility. 5) The fact that she knows that she is taking advantage of me but does not care.

Spouse continuing with the affair. Talking/messaging on cell phone and admitting that he is doing it. Sending presents every month. Anger, when I raise the issue of him moving out. Constant rejection in that fact that he sleeps in the other bedroom.

privately talking on cellphones deleted text message and call history always out everyday sometimes very late no time for home and unaware of it

1. Denying that he is having an affair. 2. Having 2 cellphones. One I know about and the other one I’m not suppose to know about. 3. When I call him on his cell phone, he takes a while to answer. His excuse is his phone was charging. 4. He will not admit that he is cheating. 5. He had a number of blocked numbers on his cell phone bill. I found out the numbers but he never admitted that he was cheating. 5. He uses the pay phone to call hi women.

Filed Under: Infidelity and Tolerations Tagged With: , ,

Infidelity Help: Remaining Calm

November 5, 2008 by 2 Comments

Here’s another example of charging neutral – the most powerful skill you can use in coping with infidelity and for confrontations of all varieties.

By the way, this scenario is very common once an affair is brought into the open. It is relevant to a couple of the types of affairs I outline in my e-book.

Thanks to Joanne (who gave me permission to share this) for her story about charging neutral.

Thank you for all your advise. I have been going through this since I found out about my spouses affair. Jan 2008. The other women called my teenage daughters and told them everything. I still to this day don’t know when it started with them, but phone records show it started in Aug of 2007. My spouse has never come clean, he says its over and that he wants to come home, but he is a jekyl and hyde and one minute I know him and the next minute I don’t. He is living with his mother and hates it. We have been married over 20 years and this was a total shock. The thing that really bothered me most is that he never made any attempt to make things right with my daughters or myself. Very self centered. Winter is coming now and I know that he wants to be back our house. I packed up all his winter clothes and took them over to his mothers house the other day. He went crazy, knowing that I didn’t want him back. He cried and told me he loved me, that it was over and that he wanted to come home. I told him we had to work on it, but I think his idea of working on it should be one more talk and then move back home. We decided to meet the to have a talk and for him to come clean. I guess this scared him, so he called me and said he didn’t want to get together. Thinking I was going to lose it, I just said to him ” I think your lies are hurting you more than they are hurting me.” Charged neutral. Hes been calling me constantly. I care about him deeply and worry about him, but I know that he has to be the person I knew and lived with for the last 20 years. I also have to consider the feelings of my daughters. He has been raging at me, telling me horrible things, accusing me of all the things he probably did. I read your book back in March of 2008, and had trouble understanding this “charging neutral” I finally understand it. I get it. I think it took me a long time to understand how I needed to approach the situation. I practiced, and I finally understand. I don’t know what the outcome will be and I hope it is good, but I finally have control of my own feelings, and wont let his mistakes control my feelings anymore. Thank you again, I continue to read your submissions. Joanne

Filed Under: Infidelity Help Tagged With: , ,
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