Should I stay or should I go? And, when will I know when to go? Can this marriage be saved? When will I know it’s salvageable?

These are pressing and legitimately powerful questions when coping with infidelity.

Part of the task is identifying the markers along the way that tell you when the relationship is beyond repair.

Read this case study:

My wifes father died of cancer 30 days following diagnosis. She spent these days renewing a past friendship with her step brother, that eventually turned to a relationship where she came to me 6 months later to acknowledge she loves him. My immediate response was to close the door, that this was not repairable with her family and all. She begged me to hang in there and give her time to sort these feelings out. I decided to do this based on some understanding I had from your book. I did everything I could to “backoff” and give her the space she needed to sort herself out for 8 weeks. Following that I was getting very tired of the roller coaster weeks and knowing that every step forward she would make toward us, she would take two steps backward for him. I’ve felt like I am the only person actually trying to work on this. I made a decision then to allow her some additional time to allow us the opportunity to sort our finances in the even of a divorce and with that we talked allot better. She told me she was planning to fly and see him (he lives 1500 miles away) and I told her this was unacceptable and too painful for me to even comprehend. She went in spite of my feelings and following the weekend, I determined it needed to end. My closure has come from the question I asked her “will you ever be able to end this with him?” – she could not answer this question. I honestly believe I have done everything I could within my will to try and save what I felt was a great marriage with some issues. We are getting ready to meet for a final “get on the same page” meeting, and all I can still think about is ways to save this marriage. I cant help but feel this relationship originated for wrong reasons based on her love for him as a brother, but know now that her decision to fly and see him in spite of my knowing and hurt is bigger than a case of misguided feelings through the course of grieving a father. I know this has little to do with your question, but I felt like telling the story. Thanks for your help.