The “I Can’t Say No” affair often takes place with someone who suffers from inner compulsions, low self-esteem and a tendency to denial the destructiveness of his/her behavior.

As well, the spouse is often the projected target of anger.

Listen to how these readers dealt with the abuse and anger when I ask:
What in the way of disrespect, blame, criticism and/or abuse are you facing? and 2. What has worked best for you in stopping or tolerating less and less of these destructive behaviors?

Person #1:

Name calling, saying insulting thing about me and my family, blaming me for all his problems, his drinking all weekend and some day during the week.

Taking a stand and separating myself from him emotionally, not talking to him.

Person #2:

No matter what I do or say its never good enough.

Stop. Leave. To calmly point out I agree to disagree

Person #3:

I discovered texts from the other woman to him and from him to her on his phone. He had already admitted the affair – following a polygraph – so this was not a significant find. However it was contact that had taken place between them since the affair had been discovered and since he had promised to end all contact with her. I got the feeling that he was most angry because he was not able to remain on his ‘high horse’ and was revealed to be exactly what he was – no good. He seemed angry because he this find took away his control of how he could portray the affair and himself. He flew into a rage and became very physically violent – he was never like this during the marriage.

After the attack I told him that if he ever did it again I would phone the police. I told him that he was no longer allowed in the house. I stuck to my guns on this, and he was not allowed to set foot back in the house for two months. Now he does come in to the house to see my son, but the violence has not recurred. I really think that alot of the time these men need to receive harsh consequences. I left my husband and started dating. I’ve told him that if he can remain celibate for two years and prove it with a polygraph test I may be able to trust him again and take him back in two years. He is doing all he can to prove himself to me. These type of harsh consequences really do work wonders. They also allow the faithful spouse to move on with their life.