What are the things you should take into account before telling your partner about your infidelity?

There are plenty of people who have gone through affairs and do not know whether they should let their partners know about it or not. They are faced with making this decision by themselves. But when it comes to revealing an affair to your partner, whether it happened in the past or is still happening, making the decision is never just about whether to tell or not. There are more things that you need to consider before you can move forward, some of which may not even be so obvious.

It is not just your partner’s reaction to your having an affair that you should worry about because there could also be some serious consequences when you do not tell him or her.

Secrets have a way of cutting into relationships and creating suspicion and doubt. In relationships where secrets abound, both parties tend to be cautious especially when it comes to the things they talk about.

Whether you are conscious of it or not, you avoid talking about certain topics because you are afraid that it will lead to you being found out. But you should know that all you are bringing into your relationship is more lies, doubts, questions and suspicion. In most cases, it is this strain in your communication that destroys the relationship rather than the affair itself, regardless of whether or not the affair is revealed in the first place.

Voluntarily telling your partner about the affair doesn’t ensure that it will be less painful – it does not mean that at all. But it does allow you to have control over how you are going to say it and how your partner is going to find out rather than him or her finding out from someone else. This gives you the opportunity to reveal your affair in a way that will bring you closer together and make your relationship stronger, and not just as a way for you to end your guilt. You must also be prepared to stay and listen to what your partner has to say about it and how he or she will react, whatever those reactions may turn out to be.

So, more than the decision of merely telling or not telling, consider also the why, when and how. Accept your faults and your consequences in the situation, and work towards creating a more open and honest communication that will strengthen your relationship.