When the affair is over, IT’s not over. Read what these readers say about dealing with the aftermath of an affair. How do you think you would deal with the issue of blame and projection?

1. What in the way of disrespect, blame, criticism and/or abuse are you facing?

My spouse ended the affair as soon as he got caught. Over the past couple of years, he has managed (with the “help” of a therapist) to come up with more an more ways that I am to blame for everything wrong with our relationship. So, I did 10,000 bad things and he did one bad thing.

Says the affair is ‘no biggie’ and has never said sorry. Says I’m ‘touched in the head’ any time I question him further

Accused of being controlling regarding finances and spending. Not acting super-attentive to his needs the way I did while we were courting/right after we got married, including wearing makeup and dressing up for him daily (I’m a housewife). Sharing household responsibilities with our five children (aged 21 to 9) instead of doing it all by myself; for example, “You never do ANYTHING around the house anymore”. Every little thing that goes wrong is completely my fault. I can’t take a joke anymore. I complain too much.

I, after 33 years of being a great cook could no longer cook good, nor was I able to think of anything “new” to make for dinner. What HE enjoyed before HE no longer enjoyed now. I faced a new “short fused temper” and was made to feel that I could no longer talk about the things we spoke of before the affair without meeting a blatant opposition of opinions, whereas before the affair we were in agreement. I faced a demeamor of He feeling he was “single” and no longer had to answer to me when I asked where he was going, and if he did give me an answer, it was a lie.

My husband claims that I should “get over” his affair and “move on.” He is “tired of talking about it” but will not do the things necessary to help me move on. He claims that when I became aware that he was “behaving badly” (his term for being unfaithful) I should have altered my behavior.