Should you confront the other person if you suspect infidelity?
Consider this scenario when the spouse discovers it’s a boss-secretary affair.
1. What was your purpose for confronting the OP and what did you say/do?
the only purpose was trying to identify that other person. I knew that something was going on but did not know who that person was. I discovered her email address so I opened a new account and sent her a letter telling her that I knew everything about their relation
2. What happened? What was the outcome?
She was very angry, sent him an email telling him about my mail, calling him coward and things like that…He never told me anything and they followed on with their affair without me even knowing her name. Much later I knew that she was his assistant (secretary)
3. If you were to do it again, would you do it differently? What did you learn?
I would hire a detective. It is safer and faster. I learned that in some cases time really counts and I exposed myself without knowing her intentions or how she or he could react to my letter.
Coach’s comment:
The need to know is very strong sometimes. Some truly need to know. They want to face the problem. They want and need a head-on confrontation.
Others prefer not to look, to avoid and diminish what their intuition is telling them.
We don’t know the long range outcome of her intervention. It appears the others went underground in some fashion. I would guess that she is facing an “I Don’t want to Say No” affair.
Reason: “I Don’t want to Say No” implies an imbalance of power or collusion of power. He feels entitlement in his position of power (boss-secretary) and she seemingly – from her perspective – merges into that power and shares it.
The wife seems to be on track. Often, action and not words are most effective with “I Don’t Want to Say NO.”
Well, I made the mistake of tipping my hand a little too early and they did go further “under ground”. It made it very hard to catch them. I actually confronted them both on two separate occasions. The first time was when I tipped my hand and should have hired a PI to handle everything for me. It would have been much easier and much less drama would have taken place in the future. I was left with thinking that I was crazy and just imagining things. The second time that I confronted them both was when I went a little crazy on them and I GUESS they figured it was better to just cut all ties because they didn’t expect me to have the proof that I do now. As a result of tipping my hand the first time, I went through much more than was necessary.
Lesson Learned?: Keep your mouth shut until you can back it up!!!!