How much do you put up with? How much do you tolerate?
Most are willing and somewhat able to tolerate or put up with a great deal when the affair or infidelity is first discovered. And, the reasons usually have some validity: want to spare the children, not ready to start a new life, determined to keep the family together, hoping this affair will blow over, and more.
But, at some point (or points) what one tolerates or puts up with becomes too much and decisions are made. Please understand this may be a fairly lengthy (months) and painful process.
So what do people tolerate? These readers give you some idea:
****simultaneous chatting with his affairs, sending them gifts, going out for the weekends (while telling me he was working hard), expending the money we need for paying bills,keeping his laptop and important papers hidden
****FB-flirting Text messages to lovers Blaming me to be the source of troubles Blaming me of being jealous and possessive Ignoring my pain
****His not wanting to talk about The other woman at the same workplace still Old flirting behaviors are still there (with any other woman) Seems to not keep his cell phone in the open, but when I ask, he is quite willing to hand it to me. When I start hurting his comment is “oh here we go again”
****He continues to see her every day at work. He talks/messages her on his cell phone. She blames me for their affair. He doesn’t come straight home from work.
****1) He still takes her phone calls every day, saying if he doesn’t answer she’ll just keep calling and calling 2) He says it is “completely over”, although he sees her at work and talks to her on the phone often (they work in a big hospital) 3) He refuses to acknowledge my conufsed/hurt feelings that she is completely still in his life, despite his words that they “are done” 4) He gets angry at me quickly and says that I need to “rise above”, be the better person and get over it – even though SHE can’t let go of him! (he defends her saying she’s weak and is struggling to let go of him and that it will probably take her time) 5) She still calls in the middle of the night sometimes – our home phone, his cell phone – AND EVEN MY CELL PHONE! …again, he says she’s struggling and eventually it will end
****lack of affection lack of consideration constant text messages with other woman hanging out with friends and not being included selfishness
****We are separated due to his affair with the secretary, they are working together, and I could not continue with him because it was impossible to trust him with this woman, still I am suffering knowing that they are together and he is not present in our son’s life because of her, I am putting up with a lots of anger, and hate but do not hate him , I still love him and care about him but seeing my son in fatherless sutuation just kills me, I have to put up with a lots of problems that he creat us under his mistress influence. I like to be in peace and live in love like before I had great family, full of love But I just do not know what happened, I ask every day question, what went wrong . it is very difficult. I just want to end this sufferring situation.
Ughhhhh, I didn’t learn anything about “how long to put up…”. My concern is I may never know if it is continuing or not. My husband has never opened up and completely confessed regarding his affair. He has answered questions when I question with facts but never offered any information on his own. As far as I am concerned he is in denial and may never admit to his wrong doing(s). I have been tempted to contact the OP although have never done so. My reason for doing so would be to get answers to questions. Now that he has moved on in his job I no longer feel the threat of job security so could comfortably contact the OP. It may be the only way I can gain closure for myself.