Should you confront the other person?
This person did and what she discovered turned her stomach.
Be prepared for what you might discover.
1. What was your purpose for confronting the OP and what did you say/do?
My purpose was selfish. I wanted to see who this person was, not only looks but personality and really wanted to know for my own need of knowing what kind of person would fall for such nonsense. What I did was invite her to my daughters home since she was lied to so she can see the family unit that she was helping destroy, and in return would see that we are real caring feeling people.
2. What happened? What was the outcome?
Well I found out lot of information most of which I hated hearing. She told me how they met etc, their plans for the future and many of the lies he told her. The outcome left me ill.
3. If you were to do it again, would you do it differently? What did you learn?
Well I was so curious, it was eating at me to know. So would I do it differently? Probably. I learned that nothing good could ever come out of any of this.
Coach’s Comments:
1. Curiosity is common. What are you seemingly up against? One of my live coaching audio tapes, 19 Infidelity Coaching Sessions, deals with this issue: “Competing with a blond bombshell.” And underlying need may be to affirm one’s attractiveness and desirability. And, that is understandable. Many express relief when they discover that the OP does not fit his/her inflated fantasy.
2. Don’t assume that if the OP meets you and/or your family that they will be impressed with your feelings, caring or whatever it is you want to show them. They are often too wrapped up in their own needs or fears.
3. Be prepared for what you might discover. Some of it may not be very pretty. Indeed, it may upset your stomach. Give that thought before you dive in.
I called the OP. And, when I did, my Fiancee was actually with him at that moment. (As my informants had told me would be the case.) Result? He was afraid to say one word to me, was scared witless. She instead, grabbed the phone, screamed, made threats, insulted me…and then calmed down, when I didnt let her “bait” me. I then simply told her, that I had all the info on this guy that I needed, and that I considered him no “threat” to me. Why? because he was the diametric OPPOSITE of me! (Small, skinny, pale, sort of gay looking, unemployed, lived at home, had no car, wanna-be DJ) What i DID make perfectly clear though was, that I was displeased and deeply hurt that she had taken this clown into our home of 5 years. That she had paraded him around in the City I had lived the last 25 years, where EVERYone knew me, and us, and that we were Engaged. And…that her closest friends and Co-workers were in utter shock over what she was doing, that her Bosses were looking at her with “new eyes” (Trust,Reliability concerns) and that basically the whole town was laughing at her for what she had become and was doing…basically making a total fool and spectacle out of her self. THAT was not the hoped for response that she was fishing for by doing what she was doing. Result? After I called the clown, he dropped her from his Facebook (134+Women long)”Friend” list, he CANCELLED his My Space site outright, and the cheesy Facebook site with pics of them posing together disappeared within 72 hrs. of my call. So Like Borat says “Small victory for me”. So…what do I do now? I will do what she said to me a Thousand times… am working on ME! I am building a new life for ME! Even when I called him, and she took the phone, she admitted…”Jim, do it all for YOU, and when I see it that its done, that its finished, THEN things will work for you, then I will be there”. She said that with the guy standing right next to her! Real? true? Or just a placating ploy? Time will tell…at least a the end, I will be able to say “I kept my promises, and I did what I came here to do”. If she refuses to jump back on board and save her life after that?? You can lead a horse to water……
Finding out did make me ill…emotionally and physically. I dropped another 15 pounds that I could not afford to drop and I went on antidepressants for a while. What I have been through is the most devasting thing you can possibly imagine! I know, I’m not alone. There are many of you out there that are going through the same thing that I am…we are just at different stages of the game. Take good care of YOU…especially if you have children! They need you the most during this time of struggle. Don’t kid yourselves, your kids know that SOMETHING is going on! They can sense it!