She dropped him like a hot potato.
This is another real life story as we study and research the question of confronting the other person.
Good idea? Bad idea?
Check this one out and my comments following:
1. What was your purpose for confronting the OP and what did you say/do?
Purpose to get her to stop all contact with my husband and refuse his phone calls and emails. She was Chinese, half his age and he saw her on business trips to Asia (which he extended) and spoke to her almost every day over the internet. I found out they met in foreign cities when she was supposed to be on business for her company. I also found out that she told him she could never tell her father about him. I called her (got her phone number from his phone log) and told her that if she had any further contact with him I would call her boss and tell him that when he thought she was on business for him she was really meeting a western, married man twice her age(I found out the name of her company and the head of it) and that I would tell her father, too (this I could not do in reality). I DID NOT TELL MY HUSBAND THAT I DID THIS
2. What happened? What was the outcome?
She dropped him like a hot potato. I know he kept trying to contact her for awhile and finally gave up.
3. If you were to do it again, would you do it differently? What did you learn?
I would have done it sooner. I learned not to be passive, afraid or intimidated; to act strong and forceful even when you are scared inside, to project an image of confidence.
Coach’s comment:
I suspect that he was engaged in an “I Don’t want to Say No” affair. The two of them (he and the other person) had, it appears, a relationship that would always maintain its emotional distance. Was he a player? Was she a player? Probably. T
his was a shrewd move on the spouse’s part to contact the other person.
Why? She knew that the other person feared what her father (authority figure) would think/do. And, of course this meant she might be petrified of her boss’s response.
I would be concerned that he might find another “emotionally distant” person to hook up with.
But, isn’t it good that the wife discovered some of her strength and power? I wonder what would happen if she told her husband exactly what she did and implied, “You better watch out. I’m not putting up with any more crap from you!”
I confronted her via phone. I delivered a letter (and photo) to her husband disclosing the affair in complete detail. I wrote to his on-line girlfriend’s husband and let him know (I included copies of her emails to my spouse). I contacted a former “other woman” via email, threatened to tell her husband. She told him herself (damage control I suppose). What I did helped me. I had been a passive, unknowing victim in a lot of pain. I became assertive, and I caused some pain. It helped me in the long run. I would do it again in a heartbeat. I would probably do a face-to-face confrontation, acutally. . . . Two of the three marriages of the other women have ended. Not sure about the on-line girlfriend’s marriage however, she is far away. My spouse and I are still married, have come a long way. He has remorse.