The following is a recap of an actual coaching session between Dr. Huizenga and a client who is going through an extramarital affair crisis.
This is what the client had to say about her situation with her husband who had had an affair:
My husband said that he wanted a divorce after I’d found out about his affair. He didn’t even really talk to me about it. He never gave me details of how it began and why it happened in the first place. He just left one day and didn’t so much as see me for over a month. I was absolutely crushed, thinking that my family –with our two children, who are seven and 18 months old, and our nephew who we take care of – was destroyed, and I am all they have left. Or at least that’s what it felt like. I know the affair wasn’t my fault and I had nothing to do with why it happened to begin with, so I just try to always focus on the positive and think of ways that I can myself better.
His affair happened while he was on active duty to support the war. He became involved with a married woman after he’d told her that he was divorced and that his wife left him. I think that’s why it hurt more — that he lied about our family and our marriage. Our family and friends were very much surprised over what happened, and clearly I am as well, but I am grateful that they are here to support me and I have to say that am stronger for it.
After hearing her situation, she asked what she can do to help herself move forward with her life and become stronger as an individual. Here are some of the suggestions that Dr. Huizenga gave her to work on:
1. Keep on working on self-improvement goals. Get a pen and paper and make a list of the things you want to achieve for yourself. Writing it down helps to make it more of a commitment and you will be able to track which ones you’ve already achieved.
2. Allow yourself time to grieve the loss of your marriage and the life you had with your husband. As important as it is for you to move forward with your life, there’s nothing wrong with taking a little break from time to time to remember that a relationship that was once near and dear to your heart is no longer there.
3. Create a journal of your internal dialogue, focusing on the part of you that has negative thoughts and reflecting on what it is you think that this part of you wants. Understanding yourself — what you’re feeling and thinking — will be very helpful to you in making decisions for your future.
4. Continue leaning on your support system. The people around you will be the ones who will help pull you through this tough time in your life. Do not be afraid to depend on them every once in a while.
Going through an infidelity crisis is never easy, and you should be able to get all the help and support that you can. So do not be afraid to ask for it, especially when you are at a loss as to what to do next.
i am also helpless and shattered into pieces when i discovered my husband having an affair with one divorced women and she also left her husband and child. The most painful in front of my own eyes he told I am jealous and she commented what all things my husband likes.
He avoided seeing me for the past five years and he does not even care about his own son. He just thinks he has some duty as a biological father of son and pays his school fees.
All of a sudden we are left with no one to love and care for both of us and an unworthy person close to his heart receiving all these things.
He treat us as if we are beggars