Infidelity Q&A #9: Will I Ever Be Able To Trust Again?

One meaning behind this question is, Will I ever trust my cheating spouse again?
Will it ever be the same as it was before?

And the answer to that is no.

It will not be the same as it was before. And there probably always will be a part
of you that holds back to some degree, always remembers.

The trust has been tarnished.

But the trust can be reinstated, can be restored. However, it doesn’t happen easily.

It takes anywhere from three to eighteen months with both working individually and
together discussing, soul searching, examining at what you want from each other,
declaring yourselves, doing everything you need to feel ninety nine percent sure
that his or her words and actions are predictable and trustworthy.

So, yes you can trust again, although it is a long path and it probably is a path
that would be very difficult but well worth it.

You can move your relationship to new levels of intimacy and understanding even
though the trauma lurks in the background.

Another dimension of this question, Will I ever trust again?” is “Will I ever be
able to enter into a loving relationship?”

The underlying concern: “Will you ever be able to trust yourself again?”

You see you have been burned. You have lost your bearings and in ways you have lost
your ability to trust your intuition, your own instincts and you are saying can I
ever use those again to enter into a loving relationship?

Can I trust myself? Will I know what the flags are? Will I know when I am going to
get hurt again? These are very legitimate questions.

To address this question, begin thinking about the standards you have for a loving
relationship? What’s extremely important for you in a loving relationship?

Begin to define those standards very clearly.

Look at boundaries. What are the boundaries you need in your life to protect you?
And when you see a red flag and when you believe you are walking down that path
where you might get hurt, how do you set those boundaries to protect you?

And then the third thing I want you to do is to reflect on the signs of a healthy
relationship? What would it look like to be in a healthy relationship and what does
it look like to be in a non healthy relationship?

Reconfigure you. Redesign you with your standards front and center.
Knowing how to set boundaries and knowing what to look for in a healthy relationship
will enable able you to trust you and in trusting you, will be free to trust others.

Video: http://www.break-free-from-the-affair.com/blog/?s=trust+again%3F