I’m reminded of being on an airplane when the oxygen mask comes down. You place the
oxygen mask on yourself first before the child or loved one sitting next to you. You
need to take care of yourself first before you can help others.
Here are four scenarios in which you may consider the need to protect yourself.
The first scenario is for someone who is involved in an “I can’t say no” type of
affair.
In this type of affair the cheating spouse is most likely losing control of his or
her life. You may observe him or her doing down the tubes. More and more it appears
that he or she is unable to control what’s occurring around him or within him or
her.
As the “addiction†progresses you may experience forms of abuse, even physical abuse.
You must be able to set boundaries to protect yourself, or if that doesn’t work,
have an exit plan.
An exit plan lets you know where you can go and who can help you if the abusive
behavior intensifies.
The second scenario occurs in the “My Marriage Made Me Do It†type of affair.
Verbal abuse may be persistent. You’re persistently blamed for his or her actions.
He or she refuses to take responsibility and passive aggressively points his or her
finger at you as the cause for what’s going on.
I’m often reminded of the story of a frog that’s placed in water on the stove, and
the gas is turned on. The heat is turned up, and the frog is oblivious to the
heating water. Eventually, the frog is boiled.
That sometimes is the case when we’re involved in relationships where there’s a
longtime history of blame and subtle verbal abuse. You become boiled in a way, and
you need to be aware if that is happening.
Thirdly, you may need to protect yourself in the “I fell out of love and just love
being in love” kind of affair.
Impulsivity often reigns. You may need to check your bank account, check your
finances or get an attorney. Make sure that your life is not disintegrating in
those particular areas.
Fourth, consider the “I don’t want to say no” affair in which there’s a sense of
entitlement.
You may need to protect yourself sexually. S/he involved in that type of affair is
often oblivious to precautions. Consequences are not considered.
Your physical health may be at risk if there is sexual activity with him/her.
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