Infidelity has a huge impact upon a person. Of course, for some of you that seems to be a tame statement.
I asked my readers how infidelity impacted and changed their lives.
Here’s the question and two responses:
1. List 3 or 4 meanings that your partner’s affair has for you. That is to say, what impact is the infidelity having upon YOU? For example, how has is changed what you think about? how you spend your time? how you think of yourself? etc? Tell a story or give examples of how your life is now different.
It has totally changed the way I look at sex. I see his interest in sex with her and then his interest in sex with me, and think that it has nothing to do with us, but IT. The affair has ruined my belief in sex as an experience between two people who love each other and want to know each other intimately and experience this great joy together. The affair has made me think about myself and only myself. What I am suffering and have suffered because of the affair. I am constantly wanting to prove myself. That I am a desireable person to the opposite sex. I have thought about casual sex with another person–someone I haven’t met yet, but I imagine it. Before the affair I could never imagine sex with anyone other than my husband. I am spending my time looking for ways to have fun myself and be wild and get out there and see what the other life has to offer. My conservative thoughts of married life as a wife and mother are gone.
My former husband left me 9 yrs ago for the Other Woman, who he lives with, but has not married. The biggest blow has been to my self esteem and I find I compare myself to her frequently. Although she is a yr older and average looking, I am constantly bombarded by the thoughts of what my ex husband sees in her–what she has that I don’t. I still have not totally moved on from the divorce, and there remains a hole in my heart that has not healed. I still love my former husband, and we are on good terms. We email on a regular basis–he thinks we have remained good friends, but it hurts me so much to talk or see him, and I don’t think he even realizes it. Our 4 grown children still have trouble concerning the divorce and the other woman. They are on good terms with their father, and accept the other woman in his life,, but as a casual friend. My daughter still hopes we will some day reconcile. I have gone from being totally devastated when I found out about the OW, to now trying to move on and feel happy again. It is so very hard, even after this amt of time. I don’t think divorce has solved anything in either of our lives-I think it has just brought on different problems. My ex once said that the grass isn’t any greener–just different.
My Heart goes out to you. It’s time for you to move on and accept what you cannot change. Yes, I know it’s easier said then done, but you need too. I too am going through what you are, so please don’t get me wrong. My soon to be x-husband, our divorce hearing is in 3 days, is also with his OW. But I have decided in my hear that this is a good thing and I must move on…not only for myself but for our 3 amazing Sons. My Husband chose this avenue…I didn’t. I also have met this OW and to be totally honest she is an awful human being, she is also married and this is her 3rd marriage, her 2 kids are a mess. And because of her my husband has lost everything. What I have done, which may help you, is educate myself. And thanks to this website, it has helped me put in prospective a lot of things. Find yourself-Love Yourself…so this before you decide to have “causal sex” with just anyone…that is not the answer. The answer lies in your Heart. Show your former husband that you can make it without him. If the emails hurt you like you say, then STOP. Your only punishing yourself…and you shouldn’t be. This was not your fault!!!! One more thing which helped me so much is my Faith in God & Prayer. God has a better plan for you….let him show you-let him give you the happiness you need so desperately. I know you hurt…but now it’s time for “you” to heal. My Heart goes out to you and I hope and pray you will find the peace that you are desperately needing.
I find myself becoming less devastated but still affected on a daily basis. The affair cracks the foundation of your relationship, violates the commitment that was shared and compromises the trust that had developed.
Accepting responsibility for my own responses is the only method I have found to move beyond the hurt.
But the fear of vulnerability changes the person that once was…the me before the affair.
I’ve decided we don’t heal after infidelity. My husband and I are working things out after his affair and that seems to be going ok (2 years+) but…I have a hole in my heart that isn’t healing. The devastation of his affair was so tremendous it altered my personality. Life will never be the same for me. I write this so that those feeling pain from infidelity know there is no total escape from this pain even for those couples who decide to work thru it. Infidelity is the cruelest thing I will encounter in this lifetime.