Affair # 6 in my ebook is: “I Need to Prove My Desirability.”
Such an affair often emerges when a person has a history of sexual abuse.
Read this case study of how the identification of this type of affair helped this couple:
1. How has this E-course helped you change the way you feel, think and act as you face infidelity. Give examples, if you can.
It helped me fully understand that its not my fault. While I contributed to the failed marriage in many ways, the real problem is with my spouse. Funny, we naturally tended to follow your course of action, no counseling, no church, etc. We worked on our marriage and broke down the communication barriers. It has been almost a year now. The biggest breakthrough was identifying the type of affair. It explained it all to both of us, and really helped my wife seek a path of healing. She’s very broken from childhood sex abuse by her father. I knew about it at the very beginning of our relationship, however I had no idea how it could or would impact us.
2. What unanswered questions do you have at this point as you cope with infidelity?
I still have pain in the memory, not sure how to deal with that. I still don’t trust even though she has shown to be trustworthy. But she did it twice with an 8 year span between. I don’t know how to tell if she’s needing outside stimulus again, or if she will seek an emotional connection with someone else. She is the type 6 affair – “I need to prove my desirability”. Her father ruined her self esteem. The biggest growth came when she made a decision not to be a victim any more, but to be a survivor.
i was sexually abuse by 2 of my step-fathers. After 3 years counseling and trying to rebuild a relationship with my mother i thought I was whole again until almost 2 years ago a close friend of mine husband souhgt me out sexually and i did the unthinkable and fell into the trap that wow someone else thinks that I am sexy and attractive. Then there were four more. My husband found out about the one last year because I thought it was going to cost my job so i came clean about that one. The others I hid until almost two weeks ago he found an old message on my facebook account from my cousin
s husband we were inappropriate. He asked me to leave and said we were over. All I can say is GOD is good. i have heard some many people quote scriptures but i now have God in my heart and so does my husband. Everything is very fresh but he was the one that figured out why i did what i did. He could have turned his back on me but he didn’t. We are going to seperate to give each other space to think about what happened. I had no idea until now what a truly great man i married. He was sent from God. For a long time i did not believe that but i feel it in my soul now. I love him and our two children very much. I did not understand the pain of the abuse that I went through as a child and teenager. I disconnected from my husband and fell into this emotional trap that i kept sinking in. I thank God everyday for my husband.
My wife is the same. She fell into an online affair that turned physical. And the other man used her like a whore. Two years this went on. They only met three times. But the man would demand nude photos weekly. Telling her to insert things. He wanted video chat with her naked so he could masterbate. She said the whole thing was degrading and humiliating. But she was affraid to say no. Affraid to say it’s over. After I found out she said she was glad to be caught. To finally end it. It started out as a validation thing for her. The guy turned from a “sweet” man into a monster that had full control. Then I found out about her rapes as a child. Being sold into the sex trade as a child. She is damaged. Hid it for 30 years. We are seeking help for her. But I believe people like her as magnets for online narcissists, sociopaths and sexual predators. They can smell the blood in the water. We will see how counseling goes.