There is a problem in our culture with hero(ine) worship.
We look at that someone (usually an achiever and/or charmer) and wish we had what s/he had. Sh/e’s got it and we want it. S/he’s got and we don’t have it and think we probably never will have it, but it sure drains off some of the tension by watching him/her have it.
This “hero(ine)” we don’t know personally. There is a persona we know. But, that’s about it. (I suppose tabloids make a ton of money off us… as we try to get to “know” this hero(ine.)
We idealize this hero(ine.) We believe that being next to this “hero(ine),” adapting his/her mannerisms, wearing his/her jersey, or using his/her brand of golf club will somehow at some level make us more “complete.”
Many marital affairs are like this. The other person is idealized, not truly known. The cheating spouse believes that being with the other person will give him/her what she is truly seeking. The other person is the answer! The other person is the hero(ine.)
Eventually, the frailty of humanity emerges, the hero(ine) is exposed and the great disappointment settles in that this person also, is not the answer to my internal emptiness, confusion and lostness.
So, I say, be done with hero(ine) worship.
The only hero(ine) is within you… somewhere. Your power, the essence of who you are, your gifts, your ability to see beauty, your capacity to care, your desire to love and your desire to live this life with it’s moments of pain and moments of joy…that’s the hero(ine.)
I wonder what our lives and our world would be like if our journey consisted of uncovering, embracing and allowing that inner hero(ine) to emerge?
I think men particularly want to be viewed as “heroes” to their wives and families. When their cheating is exposed, it is very hard for them to live with the fact that others now know about their weakness and failings. I told my spouse ( now my ex) that true love is knowing the whole person, including their shortcomings and failures and choosing to love them anyway. Anyone can love a so called “hero”, it takes real heart to love a human being.
I feel for Tiger’s wife. Although I am not a celebrity like them, my husband has had at least 10 affairs that I know of and 4 or 5 going on at the same time. It was actually easier for me knowing he was lying to all these women too. I also think it was easier than there just being “one” special other person. I also wonder do all these other women possess parts of “me” – meaning are they like me. Any help dealing with a sex addict?
It is all about filling the hole inside of one’s self. And I don’t just think it is the person who has the affair who has the hole…it is both people. I don’t think it matters if it is a man or a woman, because as you know it takes two to have an affair. I do think the man’s ego needs to be stroked more frequently, but affairs are ego boosters for the women also, by proving to them that they can “steal” your husband. It is the old thing of you always want what you cannot have. My husband now ex has a string of women on the line at all times. In other words cannot live without the admiration of someone. I too told him, I would love him no matter what he did and I would, but he could not admit to the truth and so I have to ask myself, what was it I did to make him unable to tall me the truth.
do i need to accept the fact that my husband is weak so i’ve got to live with it?
It has been more than 3 years ago since i’ve learned of my husband’s emotional affair with his officemate. he shunned himself from that married woman after our confrontation then. we are in good terms now as he has already retired two years ago. but until now the memory of his affair keeps haunting me. i think of this almost every morning when i wake up although i don’t tell him about it to avoid argument. please help me how to forget all of these bad dreams.
thank you very much.