Confronting the other woman in this instance discovered that no one (emotionally) was home.
1. What was your purpose for confronting the OP and what did you say/do?
I contacted the OP to try and reveal some of the truth. I found them together on my anniversary. They were at her home and he backing his vehicle out of her garage. He told me he had to go there because she was going to commit suicide.
2. What happened? What was the outcome?
The OP advised me that the affair has been going on for 2 years, they just finished making love, and the passion is so intense between the both of them that neither of them can give up the relationship. She also advised me that she was never going to commit suicide, however she did go on another date that night with another man that did not turn out favorable and my spouse came to the rescue. By other questions that I asked, I found that my spouse was more involved with her sexually than ever with me and nights he spent away from her.
3. If you were to do it again, would you do it differently? What did you learn?
In this position, I do not regret confronting the OP. I did learn how mislead I was by my spouse. After I confronted the OP, I asked my spouse the same questions watched his body language and I was amazed how well he has lied. I am approaching 4 years after the affair, trying to work things out. I do regret trying to work things out and do wish I ended the relationship when I found them together. This is based on my learning experience from confronting the OP – I am with a professional liar.
Coach’s Comments:
It seems amazing how open and forthright the OP was in divulging the extent of the infidelity. It’s as if saying, “Well, I went to the grocery store, picked up a few things and drove back home.” No big deal.
This is a picture of two people (the OP and the writer’s husband) who merely don’t want to say no. Glands dominate. And, it would appear they will settle for that in a relationship, or are clueless about the power and richness of true intimacy with someone.
Lying becomes second nature for someone how “Can’t say NO.” It’s part of the character. Often lying extends into all arenas of life. It seems there is a need to build an illusion of need entitlement and that illusion is constructed on lies. Little depth.
It appears that he was unable to move any deeper in his relationships. It took four years of her knocking on his emotional door to find there was absolutely nothing behind it.
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