Here’s the situation.
A person faces a #7 affair, ” I want to be close to someone.. but can’t stand intimacy.”
The cheater in this case is often a controlled, controlling person who lives close to the vest, rarely self discloses important aspects of his/her life.
The spouse senses that something is not right in the relationship, but is fearful of confronting the cheating spouse with his/her inklings.
The cheating spouse had an affair 3 years previously and when confronted, denied and minimized the concern. The spouse who was confronting began to doubt his/her concerns and felt a little crazy for even bringing it up.
This time it’s three years later and the spouse wants ammunition before confronting her husband, who is involved again with the same person. She’s read love text messages and has viewed phone records but believes she needs more “proof” before confronting him.
This may be a viable strategy considering the history and type of affair.
I face a similar situation, but my cheating husband is a combination type 1/type 7 cheater. I do not really know how many affairs he has had, at least 2 face to face, hundreds if you count the internet vidoe feeds as affairs. I am on the fence at this point about feeling that I need more information; it just gets to the place where one does not believe anything they might say, and the bottom line is that one must finally determine from the innocent spouse’s point of view whether or not the marriage is worth saving and whether the relationship, if it indeed still exists, can be repaired. Ultimately, we have to be our own reality check. While objective evidence is helpful here, it can become superfluous over time if the picture is big and complex enough.