Confronting the Other Woman: Take Off Blinders

When confronting the other woman or other man, it is important to study, research, and reading to know what possibly faces you.

Do not assume that the other person will listen to you or even come close to agreeing with your situation.

Do not assume that the other person is thinking clearly (a characteristic of infidelity is thinking marked by delusions and rationalizations.)

Do not assume the other person cares about you. An affair is marked by intense personal need meeting and that assumes all priority.

Take some time to reflect on the type of affair your spouse has chosen. That will guide you in the way you approach the other person.

If you spouse is strongly aligned with the other person and does not exhibit ambivalence about the affair, confronting the other person does not stand a good chance of succeeding.

Here’s a case study of a woman who gave little forethought to the confrontation (although it was a great learning experience for her):

1. What was your purpose for confronting the OP and what did you say/do?

I wanted to let her know what she was doing to me and to my children. I wanted her to know that it was not the fantasy that she envisioned but was reality because there was a wife and children.

2. What happened? What was the outcome?

She did not care and went on acting as if she was the wife and not the mistress. They grew closer and I was the outsider.

3. If you were to do it again, would you do it differently? What did you learn?

I’m not sure that I wouldn’t do it again. I can’t say. I would do some things differently such as not giving them the power they had over me. I let them control the situation. I learned that you can’t change anyone unless they want to be changed.