I’ve asked my readers and coaching clients to tell their story of confronting the other person. 3 questions guide them:

1. What was your purpose for confronting the OP and what did you say/do?

To show I intend to fight for this relationship, and I wasn’t just going to “fade away” in order to minimize and diminish the severity of their actions. That I was an integral part of the “3-some”. And by standing back and saying nothing, that action to me was somehow condoning and minimizing it’s importance.

2. What happened? What was the outcome?

The “other woman” was able to gain sympathy from my “husband-the cheater”. I was once again the bitchy-nasty wife. My husband comforted and somehow empathized with “her.”

3. If you were to do it again, would you do it differently? What did you learn?

I would not do it one-on-one with the other person. I would confront the other woman together with my husband to reinforce that support and togetherness. There would NOT be any “she said, OW said, he told me, etc.”

Comments from the Coach:

1. It is vitally important to move out of the passive “victim” role.

2. Confronting the OP alone can open a can of worms – he said…she said.

3. If you don’t have the support of your spouse in a mutual confrontation, confront them both – if possible.