Hiding the Details of Infidelity

July 12, 2012 by 1 Comment

When infidelity strikes your marriage, do you want your partner to hide it from you? Or for him or her to tell you all about it?

If you find out that your partner is having an extramarital affair, your initial reaction is to ask about the details of what went on during his or her infidelity, where and when.

But what if your partner doesn’t tell you what you want to know? There could be a number of different reasons behind this, and here are a couple of them. Take a look and see if either one fits your situation.

 

1. Some affairs are caused by kind of a dependency issue on the offender’s side, especially in cases where the type of affair is “I fell out of love” or “I want to be close to someone.”

In these cases of infidelity, your partner tends to keep the details of his or her affair from you for fear of how you would react. Your partner cares too much if you’ll get angry or hate him or her for the things he or she did, so he or she ends up not telling you anything at all.

2. If your partner, on the other hand, is involved in an “I can’t say no” affair, his or her reasons for not opening up about his or her infidelity could be totally different.

He or she is hiding these details because he or she is ashamed and guilty over the things he or she did. Your partner doesn’t want you to know what happened because he or she knows how wrong it was and he or she wants to keep those details from you so you won’t get hurt.

There could be plenty of other reasons why your partner would choose to keep the details of his or her infidelity from you. They depend on a lot of factors, some of which include the type of affair he or she went through, the state of your relationship and his or her personal problems. Whatever it is, you have to know and understand the circumstances that lead to your partner’s infidelity to be able to determine how you will get him or her to talk to you about it.

Filed Under: After the Affair, Infidelity and Tolerations, Infidelity Decisions, Infidelity Fears, Infidelity Help, Infidelity Impact, Marriage Makeover, Recovery From Infidelity, Relationship Tips, Relationships: Marriage, Surviving Infidelity Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , ,

Extramarital Affairs: Not Always Due to Sexual Unsatisfaction

July 10, 2012 by 1 Comment

Whenever a person finds out that their partner is cheating on them, or was once involved in an extramarital affair, more often than not, the things you imagine are worse than what actually happened, especially when it comes to their sexual encounters.

Take this case of extramarital affairs, for example, where a woman began an affair with someone who was 15 years younger than her. She described how she felt during the affair, saying that she didn’t feel like herself and that she was actually truly traumatized from it. She talked about how difficult it was for her lover to get an erection, and when they were finally able to have sex, that it was not good at all. In fact, it made her feel worse about herself.

What you have to keep in mind, though, is that what you imagined they had done during the extramarital affair is not necessarily the truth. And that in most cases, it is actually the opposite.

This is a problem that most victims of infidelity encounter – believing that the affair occurred because of a lack of sexual satisfaction in the marriage, and that it is the other person who started the seduction. This is not the case for everyone who has gone through or is going through an extramarital affair. Reasons for engaging in extramarital affairs actually go deeper than just a lack of sexual satisfaction in the relationship most of the time.

Usually, people cheat for personal reasons that have nothing to do with problems regarding their partners or relationships. They are usually problems that go back even before the relationship, and your partner probably had not been able to cope with it properly. Extramarital affairs are never as simple as a bad sex life, and the only way you can get to the bottom of it is if you explore each others’ needs together.

Filed Under: After the Affair, Infidelity and Tolerations, Infidelity Coaching, Infidelity Decisions, Infidelity Fears, Infidelity Help, Infidelity Impact, Infidelity Testimonials, Marriage Makeover, Recovery From Infidelity, Relationship Tips, Relationships: Marriage, Surviving Infidelity Tagged With: , , , , , , , , ,

The Other Person: Not to Blame for the Affair?

July 3, 2012 by Leave a Comment

Finding out about your partner’s affair is difficult, and usually, you start thinking about the other person and what it is that he or she has that made your partner cheat.

Maybe you feel that hearing about the other person will help you understand your partner’s actions, and maybe you even expect to hear about how he or she was tempted and seduced by this person. But what you have to understand is that the affair wasn’t caused by the third person, at least not by himself.

Your partner’s infidelity most probably happened due an issue that he or she is dealing with personally – it may be even something he or she has been dealing with before you got married – and the affair was a way to escape reality along with all the problems and issues that are a part of it.

The affair relationship was based on the idea that the other person represents a sort of freedom from all the responsibilities and obligations your partner has in your relationship, and that is where the attraction stems from.

Letting go of the thought that the other person is the cause of all your marital problems will be a big step in fixing and saving your marriage.

You have to keep in mind that if your partner didn’t have an affair with this particular person, then someone else might have been in the picture as the other person and you would still have been in the same position.

Filed Under: After the Affair, Confronting the Other Person, Infidelity and Tolerations, Infidelity Coaching, Infidelity Decisions, Infidelity Fears, Infidelity Help, Infidelity Impact, Recovery From Infidelity, Relationship Tips, Relationships: Marriage, Stopping the Affair, Surviving Infidelity Tagged With: , , , , , ,
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