I receive emails daily from spouses whose partner is cheating and having an affair.
A Common complaint is, bottom line, they don’t seem to care or they just don get it (me.)
This, I observe is the result of being with a partner who who lacks empathy and the capacity to enter the world of another person.
After all, this is a primary reason for someone having an affair… they lack this capacity, are truly looking for intimacy, but believe it can only be found “out there” after failing to have the necessary resources, skills, aptitude, insight to get it in relationship with their spouse.
(This is not a put-down. We ALL are challenged in ways in creating intimacy! But, some of us choose not to use an affair to mend our problem.)
Here are some common complaints from the cheated upon spouse about the cut-off and distance:
>>>>>He thinks because the affair has supposedly stopped, I should immediately believe him and never challenge his word.
>>>>>He treats my likes and dislikes as bad, if they differ from his, instead of just different.
>>>>>It is always his way or the highway, never any compromise.
>>>>>He criticizes me “for my own good.”
>>>>>He refuses to give me valid reasons for why I cannot go with him on “business” trips.
>>>>>Talks on cell in car with the other person
>>>>>Comes home late
>>>>>Shares business Emails daily with the other person
>>>>>Gives me his bad side
>>>>>Them working together Their continued “friendship”
>>>>>His confrontation that I perpetuate the anguish because I continue to receive e-mails from self-help