Consistency: Building Trust in Your Relationship

There is plenty of advice being put out there regarding building trust in your relationship. Most of it is true and helpful, but a lot of it won’t do you any good.

Here is one piece of advice that will be beneficial: Be consistent. A lot of people in relationships or marriages say that they want to be surprised, they want spontaneity, and they don’t want to be stuck in a rut. And although this is true enough in most situations, they also don’t want to be shocked or caught by surprise by sudden changes in your behavior all the time as well.

Your partner wants to think that he or she knows you and knows what you will do. Your partner wants you to be consistent in your actions, your feelings, your behavior, your treatment of him or her, and everything else. Your partner wants to be able to expect or predict how you will react or respond to whatever situation that might go your way.

Sudden changes in your behavior – losing weight, dressing differently, acting differently – these things tend to cause suspicions and doubts that lead to your partner suspecting you of things that may or may not be happening, and end up destroying the trust in your relationship.

You may think that being consistent means being predictable, which is something that everyone does not want to be. But consistent doesn’t always have to mean predictable, and predictable doesn’t always have to mean boring. Be spontaneous, be surprising, be impulsive, but be all of that consistently.

It may seem to be one of those “too good to be true, cure all” steps to fixing a marriage that you read everywhere all the time. And yes, it is such a simple answer to a complex issue, but it does work. Being consistent in the way you are when it comes to your husband or wife is one of the simplest ways that you can build and develop the trust in your relationship.

Letting Go of Infidelity Pain

Infidelity is not an easy thing to have to go through for anybody. You become so consumed with pain and hurt and betrayal that you start to feel like it will never get better. But it will.

Over the past two decades that clients have come in to talk about their infidelity crises, there is a common theme that occurs for those who finally let go of their pain and resentment, and move forward – that is, when they finally get an answer to that one question they’ve been asking themselves over and over again.

This question is the key to surviving an affair and eventually moving past it with relief and joy. Most of the time, you’re probable not even aware that you are asking it, or maybe you don’t even know what it is. This question isn’t necessarily the same for everyone. We all have different experiences and our situations are not the same, but there is always that one thing that we dwell on, whether consciously or not, and we just want to know.

It may take some time for you to realize what it is, probably around three to eighteen months, but when you do, it will feel like a fog has lifted and you will be able to take the next step in your life with confidence and certainty.

Men and Counseling: Why Don’t They Mix?

It shouldn’t be a surprise to know that women are more open about going to counseling and therapy when trying to work on the marriage, especially after infidelity occurs. It is common knowledge that men aren’t really into talking a problem out and that they only go through it because they feel that they have to.

Here are some of the most common themes that reoccur in a lot of different cases:

1. Men usually keep things to themselves. They don’t talk about their problems or their feelings or their thoughts unless they feel they have to. They internalize, think about their problems and issues by themselves, and aren’t all that happy about having to share their feelings with others.

2. Men don’t over-analyze. They look at the problem as what it is, think of solutions to that problem, and execute that solution. If one solution doesn’t work, they try out another. They don’t see the point of going to counseling to find a solution when you can find the solution yourself.

3. Men tend to believe and stick to the notion that they are incapable of expressing their feelings and thoughts, which is what they think therapy and counseling is all about. They think that women are the experts on that area, and they don’t want to seem inadequate.